I finally understand why they say it's hard when you go further studies overseas. It's hard because you probably definitely get culture shock, thing's so different you can't cope, and maybe it's so alone.
I don't really know why but I don't even think I can cope being at Nilai. I went to find wood after violin class as usual. I missed him so much, I hugged him more than usual. It was comforting.
So today he turned on the tv to watch some women singles badminton live tournaments. And I just talked to him. I think I can cry talking about what's in my head. I think he doesn't really understand what's with me, and I wasn't really being that detailed.
I find myself constantly having mental breakdowns. I feel like there's no one really around, and it sucks. What I need, is alcohol. To make it numb, to make life easier. I need alcohol. And there it goes.
Maybe I don't need alcohol.
I don't even think anything helps. Talking to wood didn't help much. It's just at least I can feel him around. But it sucks. He lives as an intern and a student at the same time, in other words he's so busy that he can't even live normally, which also means that he's just no difference from being gone, exclude weekends..
Nothing helps! That's the point.
Sometimes I see my course mates' insta stories, they're so active. They're smiling. And I wonder, how do they do that ?
Smile ? Cuz it feels like shit inside. It's so forceful I have to find new things to do. It doesn't suit me. Good thing is jogging. But planning to jog daily at night. It's helpful, it makes me slightly less negative. I guess its a way.
Next sem I'm gonna consider joining badminton. Life sucks, and I need to do something about it.
Two more years to go, let's get tru this.