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I'm not gonna continue this blog because I feel invaded. You can keep pretending like you don't know about my link, I can keep up with your games. To me, to be free or busy is a choice. I'm busy, I choose to ignore. Get the idea? I went out with my friends anyway. Am I busy? Or I'm just busy when it comes to you? No one in this world can be busy up to the point they can't even reply messages. Do you get the idea? Think it tru. Think hard. Think back.

I unfollowed you, deleted you for a reason: I don't wanna see your name anymore. Despite which kind of relationship, therapist patient relationship, hate hate relationship. I don't care. I made my decision, which is to completely cut any ties with you. I'm officially deleting you off from my life. Sorry for the fuss. Sorry for being a little too harsh on the last post. Yeah it might look like you just wanna help. Thanks for the offer my answer is no. I'm going to do something about my arm, without involving you. So this is it. There's no more reason for you to be contacting me. And again, you have all the rights to befriend any of my friends.

This time, I'm telling myself to grow up and send you a message, be real, be straight, don't be like you, playing mind games like it's part of how life should be. The point: we end here. I should've did this right after last year this day. I don't know why I didn't. I was wrong. But this time I'm gonna correct it.

Please just cooperate this once, let's not talk to each other anymore, okay? I don't wanna block you. I really don't. Talk to me again, and I will, I swear.

I guess I haven't blogged in a while. Life has been really really busy. I'm dropping down fast. My grades, my face, my health. Social wise, it's going up. Is it I'm choosing people over everything else? I didn't mean to.

Game wise, I'm still playing. Definitely still playing. It's been fun. All is well. There was the mir bread me complications that lasted for a day... And caused some damage for a week... But all is well.

My arm? Nah it's not working. I don't have time to bother about that. I stopped training. I stopped going too much baddy. Life has really been busy that I've forced myself to make a list up to my sticky notes.

Upcoming tests/deadlines
Daily goals

Life is not like maple. There's no fixed daily goals written there everyday in my life. We have to make it, plan it well, so that shits don't happen. I should've done it earlier. But better late than never. I did it, and I guess.. it'll be fine.

My daily goals are pretty dam packed. Thanks to those clumped dates with full of assignments. I'm just trying to get tru it. It's super stressful tbh. What is sleep?

Recently my ex is texting me.

Hmmmmmmmm.
Is this the main reason of a blog post? Maybe, maybe not. I haven't been thinking about him I guess. It's only reminded when I blast sad music, or when... Idk? Very occasionally. It doesn't make me feel sad or anything. It's just like that, neutral. Im over it. Over all the sheets. Just trying to get tru life daily.

My patience have been extremely bad. I've been scolding. I've been pissed at little things. I'm sorry, and thankful to everyone who's tolerated me, especially my mom. I guess. Like seriously. I don't even care if it's senior adults pissing me off. Of course I don't scold them. I'm polite enough to address them how unhappy I am with their attitude, etc. People are trying to scam me, make me do things that's not my responsibility. Mostly, they try to explain themselves. Looks so desperate to not be that guilty. Truth is truth. If you have shitty attitude, I don't even care about your explanation. I'm happy once I guilt trip you. Go home and reflect, that's all I want you to do.

My ex wise. He's not being mean or anything. I duno what he wants. He asked me bout my arm, then asked me to badminton. I ignored him all the way. Same reason. I don't want to give him the idea that I'm that easy. Isit you can approach me easily as you wish, and treat me like shit when you're bored? Isit really fun?

My bff searched your name when I told.her you have gf. And she couldn't find. Why? Because of how immatured you are. I literally laughed it off. Well, I'm not surprised. Maybe I'm like that too. But at least I don't self claim that I'm oh so matured. We're all still young. We do stupid things. But you, you tell people to grow up. That's the ugliest part of you.

I did deleted people off social media. I deleted all ET's friends, not exactly all tho.. I deleted 98% of them just because it disgusts me whenever I think of ET. And seeing his friends' names make me think of him. I didn't delete loong and doctor. That's the least I can do even tho loong is super close to ET. I don't even... Idk. I hid his stories tho. So I would never see his name on my feed.

And you? Pineapple was your friend, too. Are you not tired with games? Are you gonna continue that shit attitude in life?

Why I didn't reply you. I have extreme shitty patience recently. Knowing your pattern, talking to you would already piss me off on normal days, so why would I text you back to bring shits to myself? That's completely illogical. Not replying texts is also another form of reply. I've replied you by giving you blue ticks. So don't you get the idea? It means, fuck off. Literally. No matter how many times you try, I'm done with your games, and I thought that was pretty damn obvious.

I'm tired enough. You are just a flea far far away. No matter how, I must be persevere. Do not reply him, and he will back off on his own. I'm not an object. I accepted you back once because I talked to you politely when you approached me. Never let that possibility happen anymore. You and I know that it's just endless toxic.

Fuck off for once and for all.

I'm bitter.
I'm salty.

At the end of the day, gold didn't follow up with me. I know it when guys aren't serious about stuff I guess. I know it when haang wasn't serious. I know it when gold wasn't serious.

Or maybe I'm just gonna assume all guys are gonna be like that.

"I have a feeling all the girls are having a mini crush on snow."
I thought he looked good. I didn't know he looked that good. Lol.

The first time I used this laptop to sign in fb. I typed loong's name. Searched.

I know, I chose to hide his feed. I chose to not show my feed in his wall too. I wonder. Did he even knew what exactly happened. Crisp, loong, juan, pan. Do they know what happened?

They don't.

I'm pretty sure they still baddy on weekly basis. And crisp finally understood. I removed yall from social media, because I don't want anything to do with yall anymore. For real. So he stopped inviting me.

It's a good thing.

I felt a little sad for them tho. Forever concealed from ET's lies.

But as long as they're happy, I'm happy for them.
I'm not a friendship wrecker. I might've been let down by their friend. But leaving this quietly is the best thing to do.

On some cases, utilitarianism is needed.
Maximize happiness.

I haven't logged in for a while I guess?
Life has been content. I'm getting there.

Recently my old laptop broke. My old hp core i3. It was a shitty laptop, for real. I always wanted to change it. But not exactly this way. I was close to backing up. I was close.

I thought I lost everything, but I haven't. Honestly I wanna punch myself. What is there to keep? What's gone will be gone. Keeping traces of memories won't change the fact that they're gone.

When the guy said, he failed to transfer my files over, the first thing that flashed tru my mind was that guy. I know. We had a long history, I went from "I'm trying to think less about him" to "he does appear in my head, but super rarely." Have you moved on? I usually reply, Yes I have. But am I really sure about it?

The first time my laptop broke I literally cried because of the photos I lost. I was down for more than a week. Then idk how, I moved on I guess. We created new memories. We had a brand new start. And it ended too. So there's inception in my history file. Inside history, I had another file named "history rewrite, fail." I'm not even kidding.

And yeah now I lost all that too. If it goes together with my head it would be awesome. Wiping out all the memories. Wiping my darkest past. And then the next thing that appeared was loong squad. We had tonnes of photos. I was afraid of losing them. But I knew it would happen, so I did that. Loads of photos of them, all gone. Idk what else I'm gonna do. I just sigh.

Then it's my besties. My girlfriends. My crazy squads.

I wish those photos are still around. I wish I still have them all.

But if I did it once, I can do it again. I'll rewrite my story, I guess.

Have you really moved on?

I haven't. How do you unlove someone? How do you uncare someone? How do you undo stuff that you've permanently invested into? How do you take back all the things you promised, all the love you gave, all the efforts you made, the efforts you received. How do you delete memories?

I don't believe in deleting. I believe that everything happens for a reason. So there's a reason for them to be there. There's a reason we got together, broke up, got together again, and.broke up again. There's a reason I went from alcoholic to non alcoholic. There's a reason loong squad happened.

There must be a reason why my hard disk broke again.

I didn't lose everything. The oldest version of history is still nicely saved on my pendrive, and my Dropbox. So there goes the photos from my first ever relationship.

I smiled knowing that they're safe. It's unreasonable. I don't even look into them. i don't even remember what's in that file.

Okay fine, I remember.
I'll always remember.
Maybe there's that toxic there I can never remove. It's like quitting alcohol. I'll stop craving them, but when I see them, I want to drink. I'd always want to drink.

So I should never see them.

Msm

Snow is an emo kid, but he's a good kid.
Sushi said, when you choose a man, you gotta see how he treats his mom.
Bread said he found new wifi for snow.
I've been abandoning sharkzz, I'm sorry.

I feel like I'm getting stronger in the game. I'll be so shocking, soon. I'm getting my mythic soon. I just have to max two unqiues. Doing ed with snow at midnight has become a daily thing at 12am sharp. We'd converse tru tele, then go ed runs for each chars. It started from the day I tilted from failing. Then he sometimes didn't hit to make sure I succeed. Thoughtful af.

Daily conversation, what do you expect? Definitely a friendship beginning. I've discovered some quite personal parts of his life. I didn't expect that at all since he was a little mysterious. But yeah he opened up.

Gosh my heart.
It doesn't feel good knowing his suffers. As usual, I'll be the ranting platform, I offered. Glad to know that I can help in a way.

Nice knowing the real snow.
Sensi boi.
Feels like he just need real friends to be there for him. Gosh all the broken pieces. Life will be hard.

I was quite tilt. I actually regret being like that. Well, what to do? I'm a bishop. My main is bishop. I have super low damage and that's my nature. That's why maybe, I'm suited to do ed with Nature?

I had six tickets. So I asked if anyone could help me. They said, okay. But because of them being overpowered, or... because of my damage being too fucking low, I failed twice. I swear I was tilt as fuck. I bought so many ed tix to up my eqs, so many. Just to up. I just wanna clear them faster, and this is what I get. So tired. F2p bishop, is there another way out? I guess quitting the game is the only way out. Am I gonna quit? Yes I am. So fucked up. This game is fucked. I used to convince myself, they have stronger weapons. Once I reach that level, I'll be strong. But no. My weapon is almost max. And this is how much I can kill? This is a nexon rant post.

The guildies be like,,, chill. Calm. I know I was scolding non stop, most words turned to ***** as nexon loves to censor our honest opinions, how useless it is cuz we all know what it means. Fuck will be ***k. Pointless. Tired.

Snow offered to duo with me. Honestly he's a nice guy. And he's actually good looking. HAHA. Ignore me. The thing is, he deals with a lot of shit too, I can tell. And look at that determination to be positive. That's something I gotta learn from him. I actually learned so much from him. A lot. He let me rant and try to chill me to the point where I hate myself for being so upset.

I enjoy being f2p. F2p will have their ways. And we will make it too, much stronger than the whales that leech and pay. They all offered me to pm them if I have questions. HAHA. It was funny.

Onigiri has the sweetest interactions. Not even kidding. 

I like that I'm a bishop. I really enjoyed.

I remember when I started it as a casual thing, I started it without much throughts. When xiaoboy introduced me into onigiri, I thought, onigiri peeps are crazy, so hyped, so friendly. Mew members come in, old ones mostly stay because the atmosphere is always awesome. But some, left. Those who left the guild still stayed in the chat. Cuz onigirians will always welcome them back.

I started as a suckish bishop with unique weapon, not even full uniques, but they accepted me. I had an epic cape. It was really shitty. First time I joined them hzak was the second time I ever joined zak. I died and died. So much, I didn't know I could heal, I didn't know my skills could be that useful, I didn't know how to use my skills. One day, someone told me. I found out.

I learned to heal. Learned what the guild needs. So I grind. Up my gear. Woah crazy. Can you believe it? As as f2p, I'm a proud one. I know, I can't be like sn0w. I'm not as good he is. But I know, my progress is real fast. I got three legends in a month, about to get another one. How awesome is that?

I kinda like the guild. It's soul food. It's necessity. Quite disappointed that my fam wouldn't let me go to guild meet. But I'll succeed one day. Pineapple told me to go too. I'd go fot them all.

Awesome peeps.
Arya's heart has been with onigiri ever since Nov 29.