Hype overload

I'm fluttering. Ok It's such a happy day today I'm gonna write all of it here. Where do I start? 

First I wanna say I was having exams from Monday until today(weds). My form was better the last two days, cuz I really worked harder. But today I did badly. IT WAS MATH. But I still left the exam room happily, excited for everything coming up.

Coach's event turned out to be a huge selangor event, he was just in charge of part of the games. I went there late. He says "be there at 8.45" which is exactly the time of math exam. So yeah I got there 2 hours late, BY CAR. I actually made a wrong turn and added so extra miles to drive.. then parking was crazy, so I parked outside the damn mall. My job was again, running around to capture photos. Nice. Arrogant was there too, and his bro. Life's good, my coughs aren't gone yet but at least No fever yey. Capturing job was ok, until it started to rain. Remember what happened after getting just slightly wet ? Fucking hell. My job was so simple. And chill, meanwhile free fleet Tshirt, isotonic beverages, free lunch and choice for anything from J.co. Coach is such a generous person. It ain't cheap. Then finally, we actually had time to chit chat. Lmao. Arrogant hasn't applied for anything yet!! This lazy ass. Not even a student, so he's "unemployed"! Still thankful they sent me to my car so I can avoid running under the rain like a fucktard with my greentea latte.

Home is sleep. Sleep is love, even if it means, sleeping for 20mins. I did fell asleep. Still tired. And excited. Excited for tonight's badminton. I thought, next week would be so tough, I wouldn't have much time for badminton so I have to play more this week. And yeah.

"I heard you threw up in your room"
Who said that! My god.
Badminton is love, badminton is everything. I drove again! Happily. I actually don't hate driving, I just hate other cars driving with me HAHAAHAH. It was cool that this girl came. I can't believe it, we had a great conversation the last time I saw her, even tho I only met her once, and I totally forgotten about her! Let's just call her Cinnamon. It's sweet and nutritional, totally accurate. Couldn't remember her at first, but her second "first impression" I had towards her was "hey she can play. She can tap!" THEEENNNN only I remember the conversation and everything. She remembered me! Oh gosh. Oh gosh. I'm so terrible. Anyways the boys went crazy over her. The boysssss. Are always crazy. All is well, so many people, three hours badminton! Moon's squad, ET's regular weds squad was there.

There are few really cool things that happened. I think. First I probably had great form. Second I probably had great mood. I was hyped AF. Im happiness overloaded, that's why I gotta blog now. Third lcw texted me. For such a long time not contacting, it was great to be catching up. I couldn't believe myself for giving him this much updates, and him drowning in a huge issue. First time it was me who was giving him advices. Another thing, damn, I told medic about the past six days, all the signs and symptoms, he said "I'll write you a prescription later." Then he really did! It was so wow. Cool AF. Doctor's writings but readable, wow.... Thank you! He wrote my full name, IC num, dear pharmacist...... "Do you want cheap or expensive ones?" Awww. I'll remember one thing you said. "Alcohol kills germs, it's okay to drink when sick" Lmao. I love that. Today's form proved the huge difference in performance of having human amount of sleep. Some drops weren't good, but majority it was ok.

Speeding is awesome. Sarawak mee is awesome.

I think after so long, some parts of me aren't the same anymore. I remember I used to really hate everyone who smokes. Maybe I've been exposing to too much passive smoke, I'm fucking immune! It's gonna happen when both the people left and right side smoke crazily.

Boys, are gonna talk about three things all the time. GAMING, drinking and GIRLS. THE FUCK. I think I definitely smh all the time when it comes to girls. The rest, I try to understand the Cantonese. They say 21yo is definitely the craziest day everyone get drunk, but maybe I would be slightly harder cuz they training me up to drink. Lol. ET Loong when are you coming over for dinner? "Tell your parents, ET and Loong is actually 20 over people! Hahaha" I think I'm over hyped.

I hope nothing goes wrong. I mean. Yeah we have pretty huge age difference, but I don't really wanna cut off contact. I hope they stay young and healthy and crazy forever. I hope I don't ever get drunk anymore so I won't risk this thing.

Because I don't used to be excited over things. I don't used to speak this way outside, not to 38gang or my classmates. Actually they all are so fucking awesome. I mean including my coursemates. Know what did orange do? She called me because she was worried I couldn't wake up! That is the most fucking not self centered thing ever, and class rep dislikes her? No sense! I'm touch AF again and again for the week.

I'm deadly living too happily. Aahhhhhh.
Let's work hard for next week's paper so I can get well and PARTY. Loving life!

When you're sick

It's the little things that matters.

"I'm craving apple cider"
*Brings bottle of gold apple and kitkat over*
"Your reward for working hard"

"Fuck I forgot to bring my extra Tshirt."
"You gotta change, just change, Monday you have exams so you can't get any more sicker"

"Gg I threw up, I think my sister saw"

"You're drunk. Bathed? Get some water and sleep!"

"Yeah, but but but I'm so doomed"

"Maybe it's not as bad as you think."

"Remember what happened last night?"
"I wasn't feeling well yet I still drank, ended up throwing up"
"You should tell me that earlier, I could let you eat this this this"
I threw up in my room and this is what she said to me. Thanks mom. I'm sorry for drinking behind your back. And dad's.

"Mom I want spaghetti."
*Cooks spaghetti right away*

"Morning, how did things went?" 

"..."

"Told you it's gonna be fine"

*Coughs*
*Turns off aircon entirely*

"You're sick, let's order something light ok? And some warm drink"
Yesss sir!

"It's raining, where are your keys?"
"In the boot, it's alright I can run"
"Nope you're sick." *Insisted, adjusted the chair for umbrella then ran out to my side and kept me dry*

"Go away leave me alone" *turns off wifi*
*Brings apple cider and an apology letter over*

"I'll pick you up tomorrow ok"
*Shows up with green tea swiss and ice cream*

"I'm dead. I hate math, I want to give up but Idw to give up, I'm feeling like shit." *Cries(yes I literally cried)*
*Shows up with fucking herbs* 

"Whut are you doing here"
"Wasn't planning to let you know I came"

I wish all of you know, I'm a terrible person and I don't deserve all the care from y'all but I fucking appreciate them all so so bad I'm gonna feel that being sick is not killing me at all, anymore...... Cuz you guys are literally love. Please, stay in my life forever and ever. I mean. Really. I appreciate you. And you. And you. I appreciate all of you.

I don't deserve this much....

I'm gonna work hard on exams. I'm gonna get a job, a stable one. And I'll earn back, I'm gonna be a good girl. I'm gonna drink wisely, I'm gonna take better care for myself, I'm gonna not let any subject screw up my mood. I'm sorry for being a trouble....

I love you all.

.

I had to spam.

I was looking at the things I starred in WA. Why did I starred this? I tapped in, I read, and I can't believe it. You sent me this, and I didn't stop further damage? What was I thinking. I did told you to stop a few habits because I felt uncomfortable with them. You listened then continued the habits. And I told you again.

I duno what was I doing. I'm sorry.

I will never ever let this happen, unless I have 100% confirmed that the person is joking. Like ET calling me wife. Those are definitely jokes.

Actually I was a little bit sure about it.

When you threw a 2 to me, and again and again, I was pretty sure. It's either you hate me, or you have nothing towards me. Because the last time we drank together, you took drinks for me instead of making me drink!

Did you know how many times I've changed your conversation to customized then back to uncustomized settings? Sometimes I want to know when you talk to me. Sometimes, I don't. I don't want to reply you that fast and make myself seem desperate or nice. Idk. Sometimes... I just duno if I should. What are you? I wasn't sure. I kept convincing myself, you became a great listener and I could talk to you abt everything because you liked me but I thought we were potential besties. Then? When it was cleared, what are we? Customized. Uncustomized. Thank you for clearing things up, I guess I know what to do now.

Looking back at what I starred for Wood's messages.... They sting. If the star function was available since we were together, I would've starred so many so so many. And I'd cry each time I read them back.

Look at what he said to me....
"I just don't want anything bad happening to you."
"I read all"

I probably unstarred a lot. But... These few remainings still..
Suddenly mentioning something he said to me when he loved me, triggers a lot. Hahah.

He was so sweet.

Oh stop it, you.

Wood I'm so glad I'm forgetting many things. I'm thinking about the things you said to me. I thought about some. I can picture lots of memories. But words became blurred.

I'm thankful that you stopped trying to keep us in contact. We still could see each other's fb, snaps, but we don't cross path anymore so far. I wish we stay this way. I wish, it stays this way.

Everyone that's supposed to be gone would be gone. What's gonna happen when I go for degree? I duno. I hope it'll be ok. I hope the people I know will still be crazy and awesome. I hope pineapple stays here longer.

"I have nothing to lose."
No, I have so much to lose. But I'll be accepting. Accept that it's gonna hurt for a little while, then I'll get over it. Accept that in life, no matter how scared we are, it's still gonna happen, and we'll get tru it.

Bribe

Today started great. I was actually laying in bed smelling my phone when mom barged in. So I went and followed her to her room. My parents are both so cute. They were packing luggages for the China trip. Dad smiled a lot. So I'm pretty sure mom didn't tell him anything yet.

And when he went to bathe, there goes me and my bribing skills.

I guess I did a very good job convincing her that we don't drink often, and it's really really just occasionally. And that I usually don't end up this badly, it's because I'm sick! Not a lie at all.

Then then then grandma popped out yelling about indomee residues in the sink. In other words, my whole family knows already. Very luckily, dad didn't suspect much. He said, why did you went for badminton when you're not feeling well? Heh. Because badminton is love. Because badminton might make things better a bit.

But I failed bribing my sister. She probably hates me so much omg. I need a long term bribe. Mom's easier than sis. Sis is sly, and mean at times.

I'm still sorry for ruining things. This time I'm gonna use it. I regret drinking in thaaat state. Trust me, plain water makes me wanna throw up too, let's not talk about beer.

I really hope my sister forgets this.

Oh god. Did I mention why I smelled my phone? I swear I washed and rubbed my phone cover, but there's still the smell of beer.

Please don't make this a significant thing... Fml

Until I saw my broken jug, today started great.
My jug...............
I swear my heart breaks when I saw it. Fuck. How can this happen.... I brought the refilled jug upstairs last night, but it was cracked and empty this morning. Where did all that water went? Where did I break the jug? I don't remember water spilling on me. Did it spilled on me????? I'm not sure. I have no memory about that. I just remember sitting on the floor feeling nauseous.

That's how fucked shits went.

I broke my jug............ I'm gonna remember this day forever. Forever. 5.5.17, not a hard date. I'm gonna remember this, and make sure it doesn't happen anymore. It's not gonna happen anymore.

The jug is my love. T.T

I was bathing and thinking about it. What happened last night? I think I didn't wash my hair with shampoo, cuz we actually ran out of shampoo and in that state of me, I wouldn't have a brain to get new shampoo. Plus my hair feels so weird today. I don't think I used soap too. Did I? I think it's weird with these memory loss. I mean. I can remember tiny bits overall. But don't remember a lot too. What, I banged on the door? Did I? I don't have memory of that. I remember I went inside, then... I talked to mom, like one or two sentences but idk what I said. Then I probably went upstairs with the jug? The weird thing is,,, the jug was on the floor in the morning. I usually put it on my wooden stairs, or on my DESK. IF I really did put on my desk, with that bad crack, my laptop's gonna die. All my books, my notes should be gone. REALLY Thank god I put it somewhere safe. 

Another conflict. Just now, I found where all that water went. I had a small plastic bag holding my extra T-shirt I was supposed to wear after badminton. THE WATER WENT THERE. The fuck? If I put the jug on the floor, it should leaked onto the floor. All that water should've wet the wooden parquet. I should know. But no that didn't happen. my extra shirt was wet! Why???? Since the water is finally found, means... means I didn't drop it on the way stumbling to my room. Unless I dropped in when I got into my room? If no, then I probably hit the wall when I was walking upstairs. Which makes alot of sense too, but the stairs wasn't wet. Everything's not making sense to me. 

I threw up at the door. I was regret AF for not making another ten steps to the toilet. Really. Why..... I think I immediately cleaned it up. Yeah. I was nervous cuz sis turned on her light and talked to me. The moment I knew I fucked up. I hated myself so bad, Idk what to do, so I probably texted you peeps. You guys have very different reaction. Loong said "Omg are u ok? Omg u r drunk." Moon didn't react much. ET said "That's a good start." LMAO how was that a good start? That's a bad ending. Lol. 

I had a quite ok sleep. I don't remember drying my hair. So I slept on the damn pillow with wet hair? Oh my god. I can't believe myself. I remember swearing a lot. I'm very sorry. But please, trust me, that's just me whenever I math. That's me when I'm having exam. Why else did I isolated myself from humans when I study? Cuz I swear, I scold. It was just stress. Heh. Omg. 

Yh don't be dumb next time. No drinking when sick. 

Throwing up

I think this is the last time I'll be drinking. I threw up in my room. First and the last time. My sister couldn't stand the smell. I cleaned up ASAP but it didn't make her come back. When my dad wakes up, I'm probably not gonna go out anymore.

I'm dead. I talked to ET, moon, Loong abt this. I can't believe he's still awake. He didn't even join us. I knew I was in a bad bad form today.

Please get well asap.

Ok I will, thanks Loong.. At the same time, I'm screwed. My sister went downstairs to sleep. Just because I threw up in our room. My stomach still feels like shit. Probably because I'm sick. I'm fucking regret that I drank with them and ignored the fact that I'm sick. I fucking regret.

If because of what my sister did today, and I started
having crazy stupid curfews,...... Idk what else can I say.

I screwed up..... There's ntg i can say.

7am. Usually I wake.up earlier to insomnia. I guess I'm too wasted to do that lol. I checked under my bed, she's here! Maybe I can make her shut up? My parents are going to China very soon, and she has terrible memory.

Honestly I couldn't make them getting blamed by my parents.

I already felt like throwing up BEFORE drinking. That's a fact. Another fact was just I shouldn't drink when I feel like shit. Shouldn't drink when the fever's not completely gone. Shouldn't drink when I already felt drunk without drinking.

Yeah... and I didn't even reach my limit.
My limit's not eight and a half.
My limit's twelve. The best form I could ever have, thirteen. 

Tbh I still feel like throwing up. Now. Fuck my life.

Two more pages.

Is it just me? Or the weather these days are really fucking cold?

Idk what I wanted to blog about. Today's a lot of stuff. I kinda accidentally told arrogant a lot of stuff. But I like his reactions, and everything he said.

I told him, I probably convinced myself to do this thing.
Then he replied, he used to control himself like that too.
But we're in a complete different case I guess.

Hey bruh, yip man. He said, he felt like he's repeating what he told you, to me. Lol. I guess you and I are super mutual.

Ok I'm dead.

I'm just trying to stay awake. And finish this chapter, but it seems so hard to make my brain work. It's so cold, I wanna throw up. NOT because of that apple cider, please.

Lol I remember once I drank a bottle and immediately felt slightly tipsy.

OK YH One more day to finish bio revision. Saturday I have to revise chem. Sunday I have to do some math again. So please stay strong.

Life pls stop making me nauseous Idw to throw up on my notes. It's so much hard work you know??
Come on. Two more pages. Let's do this. 

First day of A2

This is the first time I literally stayed up to work on math, with one hour sleep. Two days before the paper, I got nervous, I put my bio books aside and started with P1. Math, the fucking subject I hate the most. Why do I hate it? Tbh.... I never worked hard on it. Maybe, maybe everytime it confuses me, I stopped. It wasn't actually thaaaaaaaaaat hard.

P1. It makes me throw all sorts of stuff. It made me intentionally became fucking violent to every little thing on my messy desk. Idk how to do this. I tried to do it, I couldn't, then Google saves the day. Next question, same issue? Google saves the day. Slowly, I can do them. I can do other questions. Doing topical past year papers, I thought, I can't make it in time. I can't make sure I can master all chapters just in two days. But actually, I can... I should've done everything throughout the year, but I did all in two days. I thought, I gave up on trigonometry. I couldn't prove any identity, I'm too dumb to do this.... But what happened? I skipped all trigo exercises, but I did it today. I found an answer, and was certained of it. How can this happen? Just in two days? I remember yip man teaching me this four quadrant thingy. Yup it's useful, thanks bro...

I think lack of sleep makes my brain go blur. Not sleeping enough makes me play badminton like a super newbie. It makes me.... misread stuff too. I went to the WRONG exam class fifteen minutes early, and realized there's no one there. I thought I was early. I almost fucked up. I almost missed a paper! Can you believe it ? This is crazy. I actually ran to the correct place right after I found what I misread, and entered the exam hall RIGHT on time. With sweat dripping on the paper. I could do the paper. I missed out two to three small questions, but.....

Fuck, I think I did better than every other add math exams.


Bio in the other hand, I didn't prepare for this paper. I prepared P4, not P5. P5 is a fucking stupid paper. Tbh. But I think if I'm gonna proceed to biotech, I need to master that paper.

I think I'm pretty lucky. We went to library after math finishes. Then Orange sat next to me. I was hoping she'd sit further away because I'm too dumb to be seen studying. She told me her P5's fucked too, but definitely lying HAH She'd get an A+ and still whine. The lucky thing was she kinda offered me her stack of P5 for reference. (Yes I didn't do my stack so I had literally nothing to reference)

And because of that, P5 went ok. A walking dictionary sat next to me, who wouldn't take that opportunity? "What does this mean? What is this, how do you calculate this shit? " She taught me all. I wanna thank her crazily.

I found out, if I studied, or was prepared for a paper, I'd pray hard, "Please KNOW how to do, YH!"
And if I didn't prepare, "Please don't ask me to write about electrophoresis, or gene transfer, or microarrays, please just don't give those kind of topics."

And I was lucky gene transfer didn't come out. It was fucking hard.

Biodiversity came out instead. Phew. Not easy, but not as hard as gene tech chapter. T-T crying.