Advices? Lol

Half blood prince texted me to ask me advices about relationships. Lol. He picked the wrong girl to ask. My ex broke up with me so why would he ask me?

I found out, maybe I'm over him anyway. I could type out what I been tru, with angry tears. Not exactly angry tears tho.

I found out, I'm over with being with him. But I'm always being disappointed in everything he did. Even more disappointed in myself.

I told half blood prince,
She control parts of you? Have some dignity.
When they want to break up, they can say anything. Because of stress, because of being exhausted. But what exactly is the real reason? Only he knows.

Because of another girl? Alright.

The problem about me was thinking that's okay just because he made it sound so convincing, that I'd be okay even when that's the reason.
The problem about me was loving him more and more no matter what shit he's done to break me into pieces.

People had to tell me the same things again and again. People helped me get over him.

Wipe off your angry tears and get up, be a man. Don't let anyone have the power to disrespect you. Cuz you deserve to be respected.

Ginger meet

Today was a crazy random day. I sworn to myself, so many times that I want to make an enquiry for uni.

Firstly moon texted me. I finally told him, honestly. I'm sorry moon, for not telling you earlier. I just don't wanna make you feel troubled or anything. It's not your fault I hate and unhate you constantly. You're being you, and that's awesome. So stay that way, and I don't blame you.

Ginger texted me. I swear, I made him jio me for badminton. He didn't really want to but I was crazy desperate. He said, go ahead, see you later. So lol. He's awesome. He actually called me during work. Crazy ass.

And then I made the call for enquiries. The girl speaking was nice. I like her service. That's a 10/10. I finally made everything clear. The date for Aug intake, the price for accommodation, the transportation, the early bird fee waiver, everything. It was good enough.

At least now I know that I can use my AS results to apply. I'm so relieved I didn't fail AS! Fucking hell. So now I have time to still chill. And I'll still be here in early Aug. I'm hapi for that. Hapiiiii.

At home, sis was random AF. I was pulling out the wooden games stuff from the coffee table for no reason. Then she wants to play Chinese chess. Onz la. I can't believe I let her win the first round just because I was so certained that I could win. We both looked like we could win. But the second round was awesome AF. I killed her car, she didn't even see that coming. She was too blank. And then I killed her horse. That's when she forfeited. That was too awesome. Good game.

I saw ginger once I reached. He said there are no girls. But there, I saw one. A middle aged woman. We stroked at the darker side before everything. He said, I improved. I'm hapi. Hahah. He's one of the guys that would bash me badly but for my sake. Just like wood. Wood would scold me badly for not playing well. Ginger would bash me a little but not harshly. But today he said, I improved. I like that. Lucky there's the lady. We could play mixed doubles. Holy cow she's quite good for a middle aged. We lost two rounds because I'm gonna say that her partner was good. Then when ginger and I versus them, we were winning not so hardly. The lady challanged me one on one. I was pretty sure I could beat her. Time wasn't enough anyway.

Such a talkative lady. 43 but young at heart. Sandy. Very active and a crazy badminton lover. I like her. She said she has a 13yo child, and the guy that partnered me is his bf, which is 41. Awwww. Divorced but young at heart. To adorable. We exchanged numbers, and she said, let's play together sometimes. Awesome! She said, she could see that I've trained. PL too, could see that easily once we started. Haha. Aw. Don't make me flutter. I like her and I wish to play with her furthermore. Ginger said lucky he brought me along. Haha. If not, we couldn't form mixed doubles. It's harder for Sandy to play. Yup. Awesome. It was intense. I like the boss. He's so badass. Old but badass.

You don't play with people around your age?
No... I play with older peeps. And that's awesome.

Chili pan mee is love. I think I'm falling for the spiciness. Ginger is nice. I like catching up with him. He's pretty fun. So hoping that we all keep in touch. I told him about diminish, like 2% of it only. He's like "Never try never know." I like that. Everything is going great in life. Time is so scary. For once it makes you think that the world means nothing anymore, months later you couldn't be anymore incomplete. It brings your pieces together bit by bit, that you never even notice how perfectly things have been falling into its place by itself. He treated me a free tealive. Thanks bro. It's literally free tealive. Buy one free one. Haha. I think he's a crazy guy. Nice talking companion... We could talk about college to badminton to work to people. Everything.

I'll tell you all about it when I see you again, that kind of friend.

But impossible is impossible. Never try never know. It's the same, indeed. But... When I control, the results are clear. I'm pretty sure even if diminish feels the same way, he'd control.

Accepting how shits will never happen could do less damage than hoping for miracles.

Wood.

I reread what wood texted me. Again and again. The last time he texted me, it was a long text. I haven't been receiving long texts from him, it's always me texting long to him.

One day he saw pineapple's snap. She snapped me just waving to her at Arena bar. The other one was Hang drunk and resting his head on the table, so I made a sleeping post for her to snap. Yes it looked like I was damn wasted too. But I wasn't. Pineapple's my bestie. We'd cray together. I'd go cray in front of her.

He said he doesn't know what's wrong with me. He doesn't understand why I'm different.

It's so funny! Do you need a reason to change? Because time passes! And NOTHING DOESN'T CHANGE. You idiot enough? Why the fuck do you care? Look at me. My life is different. So? What can you do? You're not the boss of me. You don't tell me how to live my life. You told me too much and I got fed up and THAT'S WHY we broke up. I'm a free girl.

He said I'd touch liquor someday. He was right. Whiskey was good. But he doesn't even know that I touched cigar. Do you have a problem seeing how different I am? I remember telling you this. I remember I told you that I go out to drink with the boys, sometimes. I told you, I go out with a bunch of guys and almost only guys for badminton, and I return home at latest 4am+. We finished singk at 4. I told you these and you said you accept that. You said it. What's the deal?

Oh you meant everything in the letter? You said you want me back in the letter! Are you sure? Look at me being like this! You want this me? Yeah. I wore a skirt. I wore sleeveless. I wore heels. I drink. I tried smoking. I did everything I never did when I was 17. Look at me as a fucking nobody instead of your girl! I'm not your gf anymore, wood. Why would you make a fuss about that???

You pushed me hard, til I hit rock bottom. I fucking died and these people pulled me back up. These people saved my life, changed the way I view almost everything. These people saved me. So stop judging what I've become. I've changed for better.

It's funny how I've tried again and again to try break the ice, then fail so badly. If anything, you're the only one that has made me try again and again, even when I never succeed, when it looked like I did it but I failed. You're the only one who made me bring myself up again, to try again. But now, I accept that you're GONE. And I will never ever fucking try anymore.
You don't have to complain about what I've become. Cuz you made me what I am.

.

Recently I drafted a lot. I feel like I'm drafting a lot about my personal thoughts that I'll always be embarrassed to post out there publicly, even when I know I only have just two regular blog readers.

I feel like I'm keeping a lot to myself, I have stuff that I don't know who to tell. It's stupid. There are things I will never tell boys. But when there are stuff that happened, I even stopped telling the girls. Why?

Because I shouldn't. I shouldn't have this sort of excitement. I have to get rid of it but I couldn't. I think I might be overthinking. But everything tells me that I'm not overthinking. There are evidences.

I have to start stressing out for uni so I stop all the fantasy.

Please yh. Make a call for enquiries, TODAY.
I'll do it today.

.

ET told me that you did something mad.
What's considered mad? Is that all he said?
I touched cigarettes. Just two inhales.

He looks pretty scary when he said that.
YH, you're dead, you did something really bad.
I smoked? I know. I was sober when I did it. I was really damn completely sober when I did it. Lol.

There ET was asking me for a video. No way, man! That's priceless stuff. But one thing I'm worried of, he said someone snapped me smoke. Two inhales! Come on.

Last night was cold. I was a little disappointed not seeing big guy at opposite court. Hmm. All wasn't well. I duno how to feel seeing the crack getting bigger.

It's been some time since last I seen Tina, V and swt. Basically they're gone. Haih. Damn. It doesn't feel good at all seeing squads being split so badly apart. There's no laughter. The smiles aren't the same anymore, too.

.

I thought it's gonna be certained. You can choose who you want to invest your everything in. You choose wisely, and you never regret.

But when they say the truth, you turn back. You thought, why did I tell him everything. Why did I tell her everything. Is this what I want? Probably no. Is this what I need? Probably no too.

Does it meant that I only have one left ?

Fucking hell.

Attire

Last night I followed my parents out to digital mall. It was early so I was hoping they'd finish early or anything, then mom could bring me shopping. Haha. It's annoying when you have both the extremities but no in between. I have the highest heels and flattest flats but no in between. I have the prettiest formal shoes and ugliest slippers but no in between. I need those in between stuff. I didn't get to my target tho. Things moved too slowly.

Anyway, I told mom. Mom you know my taste is changing. Would you and dad get use to this kind of change? She said, we had to anyway. I didn't even get use to your piercings and earrings.
That's true... They had to anyway.

When I got home I was backing up my phone and mom dragged me to her room. Ok let me describe her wardrobe first. It's four times the size of mine. Those clothes can burry me alive, man. So she was flipping tru. I told her I just wanna steal her hat top(black sleeveless top with a cute hat in the middle). But she was digging tru for some time, slowly passing me so many others that she said I might use. She slowly passed me skirts.

Yip man said, it's called growing up, which includes change. Change into someone with completely different mindset? Hahaa.

I used to hate sleeveless clothes because I hate baring my shoulders, but now I like them more.
I used to hate skirts and dresses because I felt unsafe, now I think it's not that bad.
I used to dislike wearing heels cuz I couldn't bear the pain, but now I feel more confident in them.
I used to think, I have so many clothes. Now I think I barely have anything to wear. Haha.

Maybe this is why we're all potatoes. Jan intake is full of potatoes, which never bothered about the attire. While.....March intake has pretty girls, because they dress well, they take care of their image well.

I wonder how much time it takes for someone from Jan to become March intake girls.