Sick

I'm feeling like shit. Slept so much throughout the week but still tired. Today we played badminton, and after that, I finally get a fever. That explains the no appetite. I've texted him through a conversation that he'd never see. Monday's bio. Thank god Dork ass's not the one marking. I should be okay even if I didn't study. Tired but unable to sleep. What is this sorcery.

The only thing I can do is lie there and think of him. Wish he's here. Wish he'd do what I've done for him.

Such joke.

Not everyone you care are gonna be there for you even if you'd willingly be there for them.

Such cruel reality.

I gotta get my burning ass up for bio. It's bio. No Matter what happened, I'm gonna ace it.

AS vs badminton

AS is next week. I'm excited for badminton. Wth. And my friends are all so adorable.

No, yh, don't go. That two hours are gonna exhaust you to death.

It's night. If I play at night, I'm gonna sleep anyways.

Trials told me that I could firmly pass chem and math. What can be worse?

I've got back a few of the papers. Math wasn't so bad, I've got the marks higher than any of my highschool math. It's a firm pass. Then chem, the earliest chem paper would be subjective questions. That part of chem, is the part I'm best at.

Should I go play? I could possibly have a new badminton kaki, and next time I'd survive completely without training.

Yes I should go. I'm that confident in paper2.

I screwed practical. Objectives was always fucking hard. Paper two pulled up the marks so so greatly.

Not saying I'm gonna stop studying, it's just two hours, maybe three, plus the preparing and stuff.

It'll be fine! Thaaaanks friends, you guys are just adorable.

Hey it's badminton. Hey. Hey. :3

Random

Last week was exam. Explains why I didn't blog.
Ooh it was terrible. I screwed a little in each. I even watched two movies the weekend before. Chem, screwed practical. Bio, screwed abit in all three papers. Math, screwed all trigo.

All is well, but not so well, but still ok. I have an empty Saturday. So empty, bearable but still upsetting. I honestly wish coach didn't left, wish we'd still see each other. But the good thing is the old dj team still plays weekly. Wood's gonna see me still. I mean, we gonna see each other. :3

All is well because I think I should be doing ok in trials, not so well because some crazy shits happened with Js. Some arranging problems. The weekend, I went to ipoh. Grandpa wasn't well but wasn't so bad. It's cool that I understand some terms. A highschool pure science student that concentrates in class should probably understand "hypoalbuminemia", and "pneumonia". They be like deng how do you understand that. I'm like it's common sense. But then, still ok, because I saw his name popped in my fb notification.

He liked a photo of mine, I was hoping someone could do something with it to round up the number, 99. Ocd problems. Nobody did, but him. He did it after a week it's uploaded. blabla no big deal......... F it, It's a damn big deal. :D I was thinking, maybe he missed me and tapped in to view, and accidentally liked it? Maybe he was dared to do it? What made him did it? Hehehe fml I'm so happy I shouldn't. He wasn't mean to me too, these days. Just normal, we're just normal amd nice. Idk if it's a bad thing.

Life's good, I've caught so many Pokémons in ipoh. I played it too much I think I should quit.

Damn, I miss him. 😊😊😊😊😊 I'm gonna just smile and wait for us to meet up omg.

Wood.

So what could be worse? When your favorite person removes you from his snapchat, when your favorite person removes you from his life. Leme tell you what could be worse: he forgot to remove you from fb.

I can't see what he's doing anymore, and he's suddenly posting a photo in fb? Unusual, weird and why? Honestly I want to know everything, everything you're doing. But you shut me out so I could stop overthinking. It is working, and you threw a photo up there? Well my first thought was who were you with. Who else? Why should I be insecured having nothing to lose? I shouldn't. Thank god your friend asked it for me. I thank him.

I wonder if you wonder what I do. I wonder if you feel like looking at my snaps but knowing you couldn't cuz you deleted me. I wonder if you wonder whether I watch movies with friends, and with who.

Maybe if you delete me from fb, I'd finally become normal. Nah. I duno. You just frustrate me all the time whenever I see signs of you.

Do you know? You no longer give special notifications. It's just yellow vibrateless sound, like everybody else. You don't even notify me whenever your fb's updated. Why, because it sucks. It sucks knowing a tiny part pf what you're doing, and that's all, cuz I'm in no fking position to give shit bout anything else.

Yeah you should remove me. I will blame you. I'll probably cry for a few more days then get over it. Then that's it for you. You're done appearing in my life. I'll just hate you af for five minutes then cry then smile and say, screw it, you still text me anyway, randomly after I change fancy WA statuses. And at the end, I'll be waiting for your yellow ordinary notification, and always waiting like a piece of dead meat.

Last training

I love how our training ended. It wasn't so sad, it wasn't too bad too. When it was announced, one of them said self training, then used words to murder me to exaggerate how Terrible I am.

Well yesterday, today, it turned out everyday I was overthinking. Overthinking he'd never ask me out anymore, overthinking he'd never kiss me again. He suggested me some trainings.

But I already have one in mind. I'd like to join arrogant ass's training. Let's change a nickname for him. Honey? Omg. No, ew. Arrogant honey?
Much better right? Yip man any suggestions? Heh. Aiya just arrogant, he's not an ass anyway.

I realized finding a cheap training is pretty hard, unless I'm finding shitty ones. Two years here helped me realized I've been under useless coaches since forever. Sorry, not sorry, cuz you guys ruined me. Arrogant's training has a normal price. Expensive than my old training, but seems not too expensive, plus it's so close from home. Why not?

While he's going to main branch which is so damn far away from here.. I thought he's gonna quit entirely. Him telling me bout the future plan makes me feel much better. I mean, hey he's not quitting. He's still that inspiring badminton addiction president.

I think it's okay when you're there and I'm here, but we're still training, together. I'd think of you all the time, hope I get to be in the same session with arrogant, so I get crazy boastful craps and random distractions from him.

You're ok with him right?

Weird shits

Many weird shits happening.

One guy could make me the saddest person in the world, and the next day, he could actually treat me like a little sister, get drinks for me, and fulfill my little wishes. And cared. He cared. Wow. After what he did to me, and I'm still surviving. This is one I couldn't believe.

A girl can act like a boy, be all flirty and give me goosebumps. It's terrifying. I can understand if guys do that, they just want your temporary attention, and they'd leave when they're satisfied or ignored. But what makes a girl do that? Plus she's a really pretty one.

A guy acting cold all the time could speak up for you. Like he doesn't talk at all. I'll call him god as his name sounds like it hahaha. God.. he looks like a cold player. Sorry. But probably he just likes that style, but maybe not player. Idk. Idc. But he spoke up when someone's about to mock me. Wow. I didn't expect that. White coconut didn't know my level, so he was surprised when we just started an imba mix right away.

We won a match. Not just any match. Ginger and I versus sukma girl and heart knot. I couldn't believe it. Even tho ginger is really good, heart knot's damn good too. Plus the girl's a sukma player! Fml. It was the luckiest mixed doubles I've ever played, making some pretty shots. My services can kill, a couple times??

Lots of weird shits.

Life is going okay, but I really wish I have motivation to study like crazy. Exams coming next week and I'm always sleepy.

Fuck my life! 

I'm like her

Imagine everytime I scold my sister about her attitude, I'm just scolding myself. Because, she's me. We're the same.

I feel really really bad, actually.

She had a performance yesterday. It's like a big thing... I duno why. There were so so many problems. Choosing a suitable piece... Commenting on the performance... then she losing things as usual...

She gets really unhappy when she receives... Things she doesn't wanna listen.

Even I, she asked how did she do, and I didn't even dare to really comment. I said what she'd like to listen. Then she was okay.

Mom talked to me about it. I asked her, what should we do then? About her losing her wallet and not giving any shit..  she's gonna go overseas. What do we do?

Mom said, no choice.
Why is she like that?
Because we spoilt her, we care too much bout her feelings. So she couldn't accept criticism. But critics are what that makes her grow. Isn't it? She's pampered.

Like I am too. That's why wood left me. 

I didn't deserve that guy.
I deserve his current treatment.

He didn't want me to become a shitty spoilt kid. So he did what's best for me. I didn't appreciate that. I caused us both, having a hard time.

I thought he always wanted the best for me, physically but not emotionally. I thought he never cared bout my feelings, and always telling me what to do.

No. I was wrong. I chose to be that spoilt brat.

Before I become a good daughter, I should just leave him alone. Yeah for his sake. And everything.

Being with me must be hard.
I'm very very truly sorry for that.