.

我就是不會安慰人。

I was thinking about sleeping. Maybe because I'm sick or maybe because I'm just nervous for spm results. But then my sister came back and told me about the report. That shithead went to report too. But it's his fault. Such an Asshole I have nothing to say. But the report was successful.

Actually I'm fucking bothered by this state. I've been drinking so much! (Water) and sleeping so much, just fuck off!! Why can't I just study in peace without these stupid sneezes and ughss. fjslaksfd

I don't know what to say to let him feel better. bi remember being annoying when he wasn't well. But if it's someone you know? I'd say, go visit him/her if you're worried. Just go. But then. I really don't know whether that's what you need. Haizzzzz What role am I?

Car accident

What kind of fucktard!

I'm gonna pass my driving test, and not be that kind of shithead!

Guess what! I've been tru some amount of car accidents, mostly when in my sister's car. And this time, she's not doing anything wrong. There's this fuckhead cutting from the left lane to our lane, and wanting to turn right. What kind of driver doesn't know if you can't make it, don't force it! And he thinks it's her fault hitting his ass. Like wtf.

Plus there are witnesses. What fuck are you going to say? Oh it's her fault not expecting an ass to suddenly turn and want us to stop? Fucking perfect logic.

Go back to driving school, asshole.

"Go make sure the guards remember what happened."
"You think that ass isn't gonna pay them to shut their mouths?"

What kind of world is this.

Guards are meant to secure safety, no? And if they really take the money and fuck their jobs, fuck this world I'm gonna live in the forest.

Random

Every day. Usually nights. Sometimes mornings. I have this urge to tap into our conversation and say something. Everytime! 

But then I'm better at resisting it now.

And still I don't know what to imagine. A future without you, or a future with you returning?
Like a min ago, oh gosh I almost lost it.
I still can't handle it. The thought of thaaat. So Yeah let's just not think about it. Eventually time will kill me fast enough. So leave it. Damn, time.

Gosh these days I'm craving lots of food. But I wanna keep fit. And I have to, too. Eating outside that frequently are giving me sore throat.
It's been two weeks lmao.
Don't give me coughs. Please. Sore throat and runny nose shits are damn enough.

Thursday we're getting results.

I am very very ready to cry few days. Luckily violin cancelled. Maybe I'll meet up shortly with lychee, get the damn results, then run back to cry.
Let me get over this quick, and concentrate well on current studies.
Ohgosh ..
I wanna eat pizza.
_&#(@(@

I wanna say. Sorry to that 2015 me, that allowed myself to take the fucking exam in that fucking hell state. Sorry to that me, for giving people the power to make me like that. I'll try to not let that happen anymore.

Ohgosh give me pizza.

啄

今天手癢一不小心就看了《我的少女時代》。
是還有功課，至少是邊看邊吃，況且時間還早。
沒有大哭啦。只是很想念他。

很慶幸他不是流氓，不用擔心打架。
可是還是很希望 我們永遠不會說 “好久不見”。

加油吧。

Wood:)

I was hoping to see you today, but expecting extreme disappointment. Who knows, I saw your red car there. And then you. Still fucking miss you. :)

You must be very tired. I'm happy I see you okay today. Hehe. :)

You could've stayed in bed and get more rest. But I guess badminton is really really a big big part of your life. That's why you came, right?

Damn, I miss you.
Love to see that smile of yours. Picturing your smile makes me smile. And I'm like a fucking idiot blogging with a big smile.

Well.

I miss hugging you. Your brief hugs are nice. I'm moderately very satisfied, each week like this. But I swear I want a proper hug. I'll wait. Heh. Even if it's just one sec. I get to be that close with you each week, just for one sec. I'm already fucking lucky to have that. Fully appreciate.

Damn, I hope you be well, healthy and always working hard. <3 And I don't think I can ever stop thinking about you.

These days because of the stupid broken tech stuff, I'm constantly asking mom how to keep those stuff safe. Well. Remember to save them, at least one or two copies. Laptops are shits.

Our last conclusion,
We came to this world without anything. Maybe one day, we can't even remember what was in that hard disk. Maybe one day, the memories won't even mean anything at all.

But to me, they will mean everything to me, still. Always.

.

I want to find a funny video and tag him. I don't know what's happening there. Is it about the laptop? I know I can't help shit. And I'm finding stuff to show him. But then, tag? Discard.

I find it hard to do that. I'm scared of the outcome. What if he shoots me with his every single weapon? That's gonna hurt. I have some issues here too. I don't want that shit.

I found nice stuff to share. But discarded all. I just can't do it.

I'm definitely just a nothing, in his priority list. I can't help. I should just pretend that I don't care and move on.

I wish I can give him a damn big hug. He needs that release. I wish I know what's going on. I wish I have the rights to be concerned. I wish He still sees me. I wish he spammed me other than anyone else who cares.

Yeah I should fuck off. I know where I stand. There, that place you can never see, where I can never reach you.

12am. It's been half an hour more I'm trying to sleep. But I can't sleep. I was so fucking hell tired, but you're running in my mind. Even if you're not tired from that running, I'm exhausted. I wanna hibernate. I wanna care less, but this is what happens. It's fucking loud. I wanna sleep. Stop please. Like fucking please. Why tf haunt like that.

.

I miss you really much and I went in your blog. I read, And I wanna cry. My mind's arguing. Bullshit, all bullshit. You don't. You're saying that. And another week later, you give up. You don't deserve me, you fuck off. You hurt me. You almost made me die. You made me so fucking depressed. And still am. You destroyed me. And every time I write about you, I cannot keep my eyes dry. Fuck you for doing all that, and give up. Fuck you for not staying till the end. Fuck you for saying always and forever but didn't make it come true. Fuck you for making me can't do anything. Fuck you for loving me and stop.