Training

If I've not been writing, it's either all is ok,, or... I'm busy as fuck.

I guess it's both. Today he was awesome. I sweaar. I'll practice if I have time. I'm very very not used to jump smash, sorry.

Today coach let us do some multishuttle with punishments. I remember so well, how old training used to be like. A push up for every mistake.

And today, it's smashing and defense.
I was nervous. Very. Cuz I know my smashes are weak. And he was watching. But then it's awesome how he got excited and lifted me up.

Haha <3 gah. I'll try my best. In studies, in self improving, in anything.

Okk have to study. 

Sincerely wish that slippery court didn't cause much injury. Get well 😣  and jiayouuu ! Stay awesome.

Wood:)

I'm very very happy, jw cares.

I tell him a little situation here, he asks more in detail. I tell him I'm helping, he asks my attire and my job scope. I tell him sister's leaving, he asks for fun or work.

He cares and he still cares. And he's freaking adorable. He pretends to not care, but he can't do that when I kept making him curious.

I love him. And it's great to know he never left.

I'll be with him.

2016 birthday

Every year, It was the same. The same holiday, the same little celebration at night, my family. Well these two years, it got different.

Last year, after camp, he brought me out. It was really exhausting as part of the organizer,  especially having so many sudden problems,, kinda fail.... but then he gave me a night that awesome.

This year sam said let's lunch together. It's the first time March 14 has been a school day. The unlucky thing is, stalker followed.

But second time having a group of peeps singing birthday song for me. Very freaking thank you, but I seriously don't know what to do in between that...

Sam got me a piece of cheesecake from secret recipe. I actually miss him so freaking badly. Very badly... he got me two pieces of cakes last year. And kisses.

It's a very simple lunch. I'm sure it's not making anyone broke. But it's sweet, what they did.

Thank sem1 for being nice classmates, keeping stalker away from me,
Thank sam for the cake and the meal and the effort
Thanks si for the lil adorable flower ferrero rocher
Thank him for spending a night with me sacrificing the golden time that should've been used to finish the assignment.
Thank him for the wonderful memories, and still wishing me at midnight, for not sleeping off, for everything...
I might've lost the video.. but it's permanently recorded here. And you're in it, too. You're always here..

I wish you, all the best for your tests! Jiayou wood :)

Wood:)

I thought he slept. Slightly disappointed, but still glad he brought me out on Saturday, I guess it was for my birthday. :))

As I was struggling whether to sleep off or bring the fruit plate and cup down to wash,,, I heard the loud vibrating notification <3 the bessst

Now how can I sleep :3 I can't even relax my face! I shall... torture my legs and climb all the way down..... to wash. Alright. And then crawl all the way back upstairs and further up to bed to sleep. (Imagining it already feels painful. Ohgosh)

Anyway It's a happy midnight. 😁 😁😁😁😁 I just can't stop smiling ohgosh.

:) ilyjw

.

I screwed up slope. The first time, in driving practice, I screwed up slope. Wow.

Well.

Gosh, our dear driving instructor was telling me about how one of the students were being unreasonable, and she was so pekcek she hit my lap.

Fucking hurts.
Yesterday I can't feel my legs when I bend them, so I'm walking like I'm using fake legs, feeling like falling constantly. Big no no to stairs. Today? Worse! If I never mentioned, the stairs to my bed are freaking tall. Old people can't bear it, their knees will hurt. You can imagine the height.

And now I'm like gosh I need to eat pizza. And spaghetti. Wait I Want hot food. But no it's earthquake season of hell, tsunamis happen. And these peeps drinking cold beverage in front of me, that I'm trying to avoid it for the rest of my life. I think I can do that. It's just sometimes, if those drinks are rare and special, I'm gonna drink it. Same for ice cream. $#&¿>>¿ I need pizza. Fuck

I should hibernate and avoid further gaining weight and skip all those painful shit.

*criess*

And so, naaaap.
I wish everyone has to go tru this so it's fair. Every time I think of how much time I wasted on this... unfair. So much to do. Especially, boys. They don't have to be bothered at all.

I can't believe my legs hurt so bad to move I rather skip lunch and sleep to avoid moving(Remember, I can't resist food?)
Hoho fml. 18 years of birthday, tomorrow would be the worse one. I'd be forced to take the lift down three floors, damn it. Nooo. Ughfuck..
*cries a flood*

Problems

Because I can't drive, there are tonnes of transportation problems. I need to get back early, they can't get me back early.

Because I changed a direction, I'm far away from music. I even thought of quitting guitar. But what, am I gonna waste that effort? For pre u, why not? I need to score better. I need to quit them.

Because I have studies to busy now, I can't help. I can't help when there are staffs running away issues. I can't help sales because I never helped out and I don't know anything.

Because I can't help in the shop, I know that I should help in that event. I went, but Idk what I've helped. I didn't exactly do anything. I was just studying in that freezing hall.

Because THAT's more important, and I said no to mom and grandma. I argued with them. Because I have nothing to say. Should I say, because I made the one I love the most left me forever, so I would pick him all the time, to be with him, even tho there's anything going on, I will choose him without hesitation? That's what I'm gonna do, but I'm not saying it.

I just want to save our relationship..

And now I can't even do anything. I'm a bad daughter. But he's that important to me.

And I'm not doing well in both sides. Mom and grandma's definitely disappointed.
And he, I've screwed up that side too.

"Go die"
When that sentence was being said, I would like to. But how are you supposed to die when you're not exactly alive.

Everything's wrong. Gc's not well. There'll be financial problems. And I need better results to make that financial shit better. But I'm not doing well.

I'm not doing anything well, get me?
And all I did was failing. Getting terrible results. Screwing up tests. Failing driving test. Getting sick then slowing down in studies. What shit. And when I'm understanding the chapters, these events came. And all I can do is sit there and cry and not tell them what exactly I'm thinking.

This event happens once in a lifetime.

I know, I'm sorry. But him, I lost him. I have little chances to spend time with him, so one night with him, is more important that once in a lifetime event. I want to fix us.

It's very hard. I want to fix us, so we can last a lifetime, the longest forever possible.

Hey stalker

"Can I sit here?"
Do you see I purposely putting my bags at the side?
Do you see I never looked straight into your eyes?

"DO You REMEMBER what I WhatsApped you?"

"Oh sorry."

Or maybe next time I shouldn't say "STOP following me," I should just say "Fuck off please."

I thought you didn't understand body language, so I used English. As a fucking straight A arrogant stalker, if you don't understand English, I should just give you my fist next time.