Problems

Because I can't drive, there are tonnes of transportation problems. I need to get back early, they can't get me back early.

Because I changed a direction, I'm far away from music. I even thought of quitting guitar. But what, am I gonna waste that effort? For pre u, why not? I need to score better. I need to quit them.

Because I have studies to busy now, I can't help. I can't help when there are staffs running away issues. I can't help sales because I never helped out and I don't know anything.

Because I can't help in the shop, I know that I should help in that event. I went, but Idk what I've helped. I didn't exactly do anything. I was just studying in that freezing hall.

Because THAT's more important, and I said no to mom and grandma. I argued with them. Because I have nothing to say. Should I say, because I made the one I love the most left me forever, so I would pick him all the time, to be with him, even tho there's anything going on, I will choose him without hesitation? That's what I'm gonna do, but I'm not saying it.

I just want to save our relationship..

And now I can't even do anything. I'm a bad daughter. But he's that important to me.

And I'm not doing well in both sides. Mom and grandma's definitely disappointed.
And he, I've screwed up that side too.

"Go die"
When that sentence was being said, I would like to. But how are you supposed to die when you're not exactly alive.

Everything's wrong. Gc's not well. There'll be financial problems. And I need better results to make that financial shit better. But I'm not doing well.

I'm not doing anything well, get me?
And all I did was failing. Getting terrible results. Screwing up tests. Failing driving test. Getting sick then slowing down in studies. What shit. And when I'm understanding the chapters, these events came. And all I can do is sit there and cry and not tell them what exactly I'm thinking.

This event happens once in a lifetime.

I know, I'm sorry. But him, I lost him. I have little chances to spend time with him, so one night with him, is more important that once in a lifetime event. I want to fix us.

It's very hard. I want to fix us, so we can last a lifetime, the longest forever possible.