.

I wanna be with him. Lifetime wish.
I screwed it up. There's no turning back.
I wanna improve myself.
I screwed up a few tests. I don't think I can.
I wanna keep whatever he left for me.
I lost all our photos. I broke the gift a while ago. And now I lost the only birthday gift he gave.
I know I'm a terrible gf. I'm a terrible ex.

I can't take good care of stuff. I thought I put it in the little pouch, I keep them safety in my bag everytime I'm done using. And then in my drawer when I get home. I thought I cleaned them up shiny. I thought it well kept. And it's just gone. Definitely fell off from my bag.
I thought I broke my streak,. of breaking earphones. 

It lasted for only a year. Our relationship lasted for 9 months. Your gift only lasted for a year.
Nothing can last, with me.
I thought this could last for years.
I thought we could last a lifetime.

I deserve losing things I love the most.

。

也許因為分手了那麼久，在fb 看到有趣的 不一定只想到你。偶爾發發呆也會想想未來 想想同班同學們 想想親戚 想想自己。當然大多還是想你。但想你會傷心，只好盡量不想。想你一下下就不要想了 馬上做別的事情。

好多話想和你說啊
明天第一次進實驗室了
穿上白袍，感覺很大喔  其實 很怕
怕前兩年的失敗重蹈覆轍
和你說你一定說我笨  畢竟是你的強項啊

都沒和你有小聊的機會 你怎樣了
你過得好嗎 開心嗎 享受嗎
你家人呢 學業呢 朋友方面呢怎樣了
還有跑步嗎 你 Ok嗎  我什麼都不懂

也好多事想和你做
想念陪你 一點點什麼都好
想和你在一起 想看你笑 看你鬧
想聽你的聲音 想你的溫暖
想念你的貼心 想念屬於我的你的心

全都沒了啦

*別哭

都麻木了怎麼會哭。

.

I miss him. Seems like he's really super duper extremely crazily busying and stressing out as fuck. Well I was on fb a little too long. Each video reminds me of him. Each post.

Ah I watched an interesting trailer. "Before I sleep". I thought it was a normal chilling movie! Then it turned out to be horror! *goosebumps*. Thrillers don't always make my hair stand.

I also watched a stupid "relationship goals" video. It's fucking stupid. You know why? The content is like what a person say to the giving-up-partner. And the caption says, tag your other half.  It's fucking depressing.

No no no yh. Get back to your bio textbook.

I have another chapter to rush,, whatamI doinggg ·’“>℉¿>#(@(;#;"

Ugh

No more fb!!
Fucking serious now.

Toning diet

When my classmate was distributing mentos.
I'm like stretching my palm out, then OOPS and pull back in.
"Why?"
Because I'm on toning diet. Ahah.

These days I've been eating so less carbs, it's quite hard to remember when nice food are in front. Like for dinners,, I'd fill up the bowl, then put a little bit back,, then a little bit more back. And then think if I can fulfill the stomach. Usually,,, I can't. Unless there's pumpkin or looooots of vege.

Lmao there was once. The vege was so little. I requested more. So mom cooked an extra big plate of vege, and I took the portion of that I used to take for rice.

Vege is not homework anymore.

What If it's the afternoon and I'm hungry?
An apple could fill well for breakfast.
Two oranges became my snack. :3

Belly fat, please go away. I'm determined enough.

Toning

These days I'm slightly more determined to work on that stomach toning. :3
It's been a week, but then I still hate planking like fucking hell. Sit ups too $$&@(#(@(#;$;" ohgosh I hate it most when sweat goes into the eye.

But heh there's no easy way. Google says you need to workout, reduce carbs and increase vege and fruits. That's not so hard.

So these days I'm eating 1/4 portion of rice that I usually eat. And almost more than half of the vege. Grandma knows well to actually cook more greens. Fish is nice heh. Initially I was actually worried that I couldnt fulfill that appetite. But it's ok.

Breakfast too replaced with fruits. An apple can be so full. But annoying.

I wish the next time he pinches my waist, he notices the difference and say, I lost some chubbiness.

It's gonna be tough month. Wish I don't give up.
Let's do this thing. .

Buuuurrrrrrn the fats.

.

He's mean, but in a cute way
He's fierce, but still can't stop me smiling staring at him
He's hardworking, it's ok a week without him
It's ok even if it's more than a week.
I survived a month without his hugs last year.
The most terrible month in my life.
Wait, maybe not the most.
If one day I see him in her arms,
That'll be most.

I wish she could be me, still
I'm prepared. No I'm not. I will never be.
I made a decision to love you less.
So if that day ever arrives, maybe life is still livable.
Just maybe.

Wish things never went that way.
Wish nothing went wrong
Wish you still love me. 

...
Guess you'll always be my every-year b'd wish.

Updates

I think maybe I'm not that fat. Streak - 3 days. Please don't stop.

Colour switch is not a nice game. I should limit myself. Five wins per day. That should do the trick.

I'm driving better. I can switch lanes faster, and more daring to speed up a bit. Don't imagine me speeding like crazy. My Whole family was complaining about how slow I was. And it sucked. Tomorrow I wish I can drive myself to training.

Chemistry is so hard. Ok.

I miss him.
I want to talk to him. I want to give up, but I don't want to. That side always wins. The side that supports having hope. Maybe it's one percent now. I should stick to the plan. I'll be in love with my bed, and that's all, forever.

But I look at our photos, and say, Look at him. He's still there, just very busy, and far away. He's still with me, just looking like he left. Look at that smile. Remember what he said. They aren't lies. They're real.

Just chill and cry. Hahajk .
Just study. And be prepared to cry. Be prepared to see him in another girl's arms.

Be prepared to die.

The weather's fucking hot these days.
Wish he's doing fine.
Probably stressing out now, doing assignments etc. And I'm here. Crazily missing him.

It's cool being missed. That feeling was awesome.
At least we happened.
Maybe it can change back to present tense.

Who knows.