When training ends

Whenever I'm awake, whenever I'm conscious, I just worry bout what am I gonna do without a coach. Saturdays, if I go to the courts by myself, will I even have a space to play? After the whole Olympic badminton craziness, everyone's just mad. Last time I remember, I don't even get to book a morning court on a freaking Thursday. Saturday??? Duh, no space for me unless it's mba. But mba is so far away, I don't even have a fking car. If you ask me, I'd avoid using inappropriate shoes to do practice footwork on inappropriate places, cuz my ankle's already like shit. You don't fucking blame me for not doing footwork on my own. If I don't have a nice court to begin with, I just don't do it. For the sake of the fucking future, man. Cuz I'm not like you. I'd hurt myself but I'd try not to cause permanent damage just to ''improve".

So, how? No court, no space, no nothing. Now it's not just about the training I'm afraid. Haizzz I just can't stop thinking bout these shits and I should be thinking bout how to score my AS like a fucking boss.

'help me man.'

Bruh do you know I fucking cried when my previous coach left. Now this, even tho he's not as close as that one, with me.. but. It's still fucking sad okay, plus I lose him too. I lose everyone at once. What fuck is fate gonna do to me. What else do you want to take away from me. Two years and I can't correct my footwork. Do you think I want that? Did I not change? Everytime I did a swing, I'd think about the turning. I'd make sure I've turned my body even if it's just a little. You were expecting me to suddenly change into a fucking state player. I'm not that strong ok? I'm not what you think. Since before you fucking dumped me, you know how dreamy I was. Do you think I want that? I've been trying so hard you should fucking know. Fuck you if you don't.

Now it fucking hurts each step downstairs. Like back to start. Just every fucking time after hours of badminton, I'd die once physically.

Tell me, what else can I do? Get another training? Or what, self training? I don't fucking mind hogging courts. But if I really hog, I'd have to hog good courts. But it's so hard. Fml la. Just fucking kill me. If one day, I start playing terrible than previously..

I'll kill myself.