Upside down updates.

I'm not sure what happened to us. I'm not sure what happened to my life too.

Everything's literally upside down. Wood's back around me, sweetest as ever. Moon's gone forever. But the difference is, I wasn't quite welcoming wood back into my arms. I think It trying to let go of the past. To let go of everything he did that might scare the shit out of me. I'm trying to accept that he really wasn't the same anymore. He said, when he came close to me, my heart says no. It's um.... Surprising how he can read my heart. He said, it lasts for five seconds maximum. He says, he will never give up. I remember I said that too. I said that for a year, and finally I realized it was time to let go. He will give up when he realized it too.

Moon case, I'm not sure. I'm gonna assume that I lost this friend. Maybe I was too harsh? I wasn't that harsh, I thought. I don't know. We're basically having icy cold conversation. It's like we had a big argument and we decided to end this friendship. Did we? I dont know. I only know, when he gave me a letter, I muted him. I was pissed. I only know, this recently I am really pissed at him. Pissed that he gave me a letter. Pissed that he wasn't helping at all. I thought we were appreciating each other's Kindness.

Does a relation end just because of concern? Do we screw up strong bonds from caring? One of the reasons wood broke up with me. He cared too much, and exhausted himself to his very boundary. I don't like moon's attitude. I really don't. This is why, the most we can be would be friends. But this is why, I couldn't have much confidence in this friendship. I'm sorry that I get offended easily. If I text you to ask how the fuck you are, I would never expect you to give such a rude answer. Even if it's a joke, my fault then, being annoyed at how you joke. I used to hate the way you act during badminton games. But I guess I forced myself to half accept that. You're like that, and I know you. You're not mean, you're just being you, joking in an inappropriate way in my opinion. That's none of my business. But are you gonna hate me for being easily offended? To give me a letter just because of that?

The difference between the current me and the old me, I will not swallow my pride to beg for something stupid. Everything is temporary, and I accept that.

Give me a letter and I will hate you. Because you know how much I hate that letter. I will not apologize for being such a short tempered person. You can do the things you like. Mock people. Be rude. But to intentionally do the things that you knew how much I hate it, that's unforgivable.

We are done.

I'm still assuming he wouldn't read this, according to how cold our conversations have become. I accept reality. I will be mad, very mad at you for a couple days, a couple hours. But I will get over it. I'm so glad that wood left me, and allowed my perception of reality to develop this way. I'm so glad, I can literally get over you shitty people.

I remember when it was his birthday, I was at Japan. I felt bad for not being there for him. But my heart was there anyway. My heart was there for ET, Loong, Cinnamon and also Moon. I got myself some ebony wood pieces. There I decided to carve his name.

It wasn't perfect, but ebony is one of the strongest woods in the world. I wanted to say, I meant it. Despite the cruel reality, despite how much I hate and unhate you that inconsistently, I hope you will always remember that we used to be close. I guess. I was right anyway.

Relationships never last. Friendships are no different. Everything ends.

Wood made so much effort to show that he really cares for me. I saw it, I felt it all. But still. I have this voice inside. This voice that tells me, don't fall for it. Look at your best friend. I will always believe, shits will always happen when you're at the happiest point of your life.

It's a great day today.
Which means tomorrow I will suffer.

Someone special can be the guy you call when you're so terrified.
Someone special can be the guy that pops up in to your mind once you finish busying, he could be the first one you want to run to, and update everything.
It can wait, when it didn't happen.
It can wait.

At the end, he still leaves your life.

Such a great example of reality.

Gosh, I realized I do have a little tiny hope in this friendship. I realized, there is disappointment. But there. There there, cheers to life, that you can never fall as low as I did before. Bring everything, everyone away from me and look at me being fine.