Insomnia

Like I said.

I can actually convince myself, that I'm a failure. So damn fucking failure that I can't do anything well, so that I don't have a reason to feel bad anymore.

I'm so tired but I can't sleep because of all those shits in my head, telling me I can't get that shit done. JUST LET ME SLEEP `&$(#("

Everytime I'm tired but I can't sleep, I tap in the folder "History" that once use to be titled "Him".

It actually helps for five minutes. Then back to insomnia.

I've been missing classes just to get this shit done. It's just so annoying.

I can't believe this.

Yes tell me how well the rest of the world can do. It SUCKS to be that suck. But thanks for the softness.

I'm gonna do so fucking well next time and their sunglasses break. Fuck them all, racist asses.

.

只有失智的才會後著臉皮 堅持不走
現在開始我不要再想複合了。
什麼都不好，脾氣不好，成績不好，態度不好，樣子不好，身體不好，人不好，駕車不好，頭腦不好，打球也不好

就算複合了 他不會開心
我不會開心
所以不用了

不要再傻了  他永遠只會看到不好
我不配。

Random nap

Okay I woke up, so freaking comfortable and satisfied but not too satisfied with the nap. The room was dark, my bed lamp was working, no books by my side, my phone was charged.

12:50am
So I was wondering. When did I slept? Usually if I take a short nap at night, I won't turn off the main light, to hope that I still wake. If I studied in my bed, there'd be books, and someone would turn off the switch for my lamp, and the lamp will not function. Whatever time I slept, I must've been planning to study at night, but overslept.

And suddenly I recalled, because I couldn't remember my dinner.

I slept before dinner at 6. That time the sky was dark too, starting to rain, and my grandma was still cooking. I was expecting someone to wake me for dinner.

But then I had 7 hours nap. Wow. Guilty not guilty. Hey I was still sick. Hehe. And very tired.

Anyways mom promised me next time she'd wake me.

The only problem was, should I dinner or not?
Hehe he said get fat and sleep. So alright. Heheheh. :3 thank god he wasn't asleep yet at that time...

This shit will never happen, anymore!
Still.... awesome nap.

Sick

I remember from house of night, that set of awesome vampire school series, it says young vampyres (fledgings who weren't completely vampyres yet) goes to the fledging school and undergoes "changes" before they become a real vampyre.

And there are fledgings that don't finish the process. They just die. It's called, rejecting the change. And when they do, they cough like mad, and cough blood, and die.

I was in lychee's place today. And I felt like a fucking rejected fledging. Without the blood of course. Oh people are asking me. Yh, you can sleep,?? Even before the day you get results?

Of course I can. I can because I was damn fucking tired. But then after I wake up to catch up whatever studies, I can't sleep. And the reason is,,  my throat is fucking dry and WATER HELP NO SHIT. (That's how a rejected fledging feels like, I guess.) Luckily I wasn't in an exam hall or stuff like that. There's just lychee being hell nervous bout the results, and me *coughing crazily madly hell*
I feel damn fucking hydrated but damn fucking dehydrated. Yes, ironic! But that's how it's like!!
%&$(#)";=;'(

I wanna breathe without not wanting to breathe. Get me? And Google won't tell me how to get that soft palate hydrated. No. Nothing soothes it. It's like desert there, even tho a mouthful of saliva. Zzzzzzzzzzz Being unwell ISN'T FUN. At least I can stay awake now. Tell me how to breathe without being annoyed with the throat, please. Been daaays.

4.17 am.
Oh no. Oh nononono. Wrong time. Why am I awake. As I said, I can stay awake, partly thanks to the throat. Sometimes, everywhere doesn't felt right. I couldn't decide how to breathe. Use nose, I dry out the part above soft palate and the whole nasal pathway; use mouth, I dry out the throat, lips and the whole freaking roof. I should just stop breathing.

I figured out why the word sore is created like that. It sores like how sawing it hurts. That strepsils commercial. SAW THROAT.

ok ignore me bye. Just trying to fall back asleep.

He's sweet. :3

Results

Actually did not expected this.

Okayy I expected screwing up two languages. But not those useless compulsory subjects.

Many people got as bad as usual internal exams. I actually "improved". Cuz my trials was way worse, it was the forecast that made it look less terrible.

Now I'm worried about pre u math.
I really can't math. Tho Sam said she'd help me in math and hope I help her in bio.

Statistics is just worrying me.

I'll do better in pre u.

Oh good thing is I didnt fail anything.

Kbye.

Wish the elderly relatives don't call to ask.
IM NOT SAYING.

Wood:)

Joints sore. Headache can't go away. Sore throat is much better but fever and sweating like hell. I wish it's nothing bad. I never skipped any day of vitamin. Yes I always cursed myself. But then, I have hope in us. I think we can make it, some day. Even if not, I'll have to bear with it. I'll be okay.

But for now I wanna focus on studies. So please, pathogens. Leave me alone and let me have the strength to work hard. I want to study. I need that energy I used to have. I can't waste any more time here in bed. It's killing me.

Just give me back that strength. Exhausted.

Wood wood cares. I think.
I tagged him in some fb stuff. He tagged me too, in some. I just want him to know, whenever I see nice things, I think of him. I always think of him, and he's always at the top in my heart. I think he felt that. It's just another way to tell him, hey, I miss you and I care about you. I'll just tag you here so I can imagine you smile when watching, and that's enough. Keep up with your work, and stay fine and healthy. Yeah, that's all I need. I don't need to start a chat with him to tell him I care and I love him. This is another way to remind him.

I'm happy he started a chat with me. Even tho it's hell freaking short, it's adorable. He's just nice. :) I wish we get better. I wish he's always okay. I love him that much. And it just soothes me knowing he might not be as well as now if we officially got back together. But if one day that miracle happens, I will thank everyone in this planet that makes that happen. I will not take it for granted. Love is a choice. If he wants me back as a choice, I will make sure he doesn't regret. Damn I'm dying.

Get well soon yh. Many battles ahead. 

Sick

When I'm sick, I think about him a lot. No. I think about him all the time. I'm just more often sleeping, having weird dreams, and laying down and having time to think.

I think my immunity sucks. 

I remember, when he was starting to have some symptoms, and I was hoping it to not be dengue. I just wanna kiss him and get sick the next day, then we don't have to wait for the results to know.

I was blank in class last week, and I spend the weekend mostly sleeping.

Fuck.

Seriously need to get up.

There are no breaks.
Okay. No more. Naps.

Ughhhstopsleepingyh

2/3
My phlegm is fucking thick and GREEN(EW). I feel like melting. Headache just fucked off. Sore throat is much better but I'm still burning and sweating like hell. I wish it's nothing bad. I never skipped any day of vitamin. Yes I always cursed myself. But then, I have hope in us. I think we can make it, some day. Even if not, I'll have to bear with it. It'll be okay.

But for now I wanna focus on studies. So please, pathogens. Leave me alone and let me have the strength to work hard. I want to study. I need that energy I used to have. I can't waste any more time here. It's killing time. Just give me back that strength.

Wood wood cares. I think.
I tagged him in some fb stuff. He tagged me too, in some. I just want him to know, whenever I see nice things, I think of him. I always think of him, and he's always at the top in my heart. I think he felt that. It's just another way to tell him, hey, I miss you and I care about you. I'll just tag you here so I can imagine you smile when watching, and that's enough. Keep up with your work, stay fine and healthy. Yeah, that's all I need. I don't need to start a chat with him to tell him I care and I love him. This is another way to remind him.

I'm happy he started a chat with me yesterday. Even tho it's hell freaking short, it's adorable. He's just nice. :) I wish we get better. I wish he's always okay. But if one day that miracle happens, I will thank everyone in this planet that makes that happen. I will not take it for granted. If that happens, I will make sure he doesn't regret. Damn I'm dying.

Alright get up. Getttup