Sem 2

Back to college. It started with a stupid presentation. Our group wore formally, it feels freaking uncomfortable bot wearing pajamas to college. It went well. Then it was chem.

In a new class, with the march intakes. Now we are one, but it feels like our classmates aren't friendly with them. Stomata and I sat at the left side, just because we didn't wanna sit behind, so now... We're at the same side with the march intakes.

Jaclyn improved. Her pace slowed down like fuck. I think she's trying to get her facts clear since there are more of us now. Just wow. Her pace could make a comparison with rita's rn.

New sem, already tired to death.

HDU

We went to visit someone today. Hospitals are scary. Not saying that I've been hospitalized before. It's scary. It's scary because of that day. It's scary when someone knows their own condition and has to sit back and let the WBC do their job. And that facial expression is scary too. I was dead worried.

Sometimes, I miss him so much, I have to tell myself how healthy and well he is, to be able to get back on my life. I have to tell myself that he's fine and there's nothing to worry.

I've put up a snap without caption. He saw and asked about it.

We might have ended, but it's a 100% that he cares. For that, I'm a very lucky person. People aren't meant to be happy, I guess. Bad things happen all the time once you realized how happy you are.

I think I should burn my diaries. 

Ankle gg

I'm confused.

Today we went for badminton again. Yesterday I slightly twisted the right foot due to not landing properly on a forward lunge. Today, same thing. Same foot, same bad lunge, while.. it feels more like I've injured the left foot.

.

I miss you.

I know you want me to let go, I tried but I couldn't. So from now, I'll pretend to look like I've given up on you. I'll look like I don't love you anymore. Deep down, I'll try to kill all that stuff I have for you.

I'll always love you in a way that you'll never realize it anymore. That's for our sake.

I hope this could stop giving you pressure. I hope I help you in any way. I hope because of this, we could turn back to how it looks like: senior and junior. You're a senior that I'll always admire.

One day, you'll leave my heart forever. You're toxic, and I will try to let go.

Fat

People always hate the slim ones saying "I look fat in this," and sometimes, they don't have the rights to say that. Who knows, how much the they've been working out for that body? Who knows how terrible the food depriving process went? And all these people only see that they're insulting them not so slim ones.

If you don't think you're fat, you will never start the losing weight journey.

Well we worked hard. Very fucking hard to reach whatever level we're at. And if sometimes we lose control, we have the rights to think that we're gaining weight again.

And if you're not working hard to lose all that fats, don't be sad when you look into the mirror everyday and see no improvement. You deserve that. Just a fact. If you've done no shit to become fit, accept your body and stop being butthurt over people commenting bout their own.

.

I'm so tired of telling myself to hate him, give up, then telling myself, it's ok there's a hope for us. It's a never ending cycle. Annoying never ending cycle. I can find proof that he still cares. I also can find proof that he's done. I need someone to convince me to let go. Not just 'hey, let go' So unconvincing. Why? Tell me.

Hike gg ankle

So we went to a freaking mountain again, today. (Sunday was the last time we went before this) I think, I definitely improved, thanks to 7kg weighed squats and some very terrible 3.8kg weighed lunges.

I'm very extremely determined now. To train for chin ups, to lose fats and tone everything up, to get great results in A levels. The improvement in hiking gives me hope. The drama gives me motivation. I think every drama I watch gives me motivation. Lol.

But right now, thanks to hiking, I'm making my left ankle worst. (I slipped, but I'm alive. It's a miracle. HAHA no, jkjk. ) And I'm having a bad bad.. friction-caused shitty thing on my thigh. Fuck la. I needa walk like sumo wrestlers to prevent it rubbing against anything.

Anyways. Life is okay. Hye Jung had lost everything at 18, and she managed to be a fucking neurosurgeon 13 years later. How she did that? She had 10 hours sleep every week. That's not possible, actually. But anyway. It's just telling us hardwork pays no matter what. I'm gonna get that fucking toned stomach, and I'm gonna score well in bio & chem. Fuck everything else.