Fuck u ET, Fuck you.

Today I was bothered with an asshole's message. ET texted me. Ha.
Does it sound disgusting to you?

He claimed I spreaded the news to his friends that he played with my feelings.
Um, hello?? I'm heartless, you think I can be played?

I corrected him. Firstly, I didn't contact "his friends". I riskyly sent a happy birthday gif to Loong, he replied his thank you with a smile. That was really really unexpected. Secondly, after we broke, the only one that contacted me was ahchoo. What I told him, was "we were together, we broke up." But I added. I asked ahchoo to pretend not to know anything, and ask you. If you didn't admit the relationship, means you never took me seriously, means you played me.

So from ET's pretty dumb confession, everything tells me that he never admitted that we were together. I think, when I explained, he realized how dumb he was, bothering to pop up in my fb, to confess that he never admitted. Such an idiot wanting to bash me for fucking up his pride, but the thing is, he fucked up himself. And then, all his words went pointless.

He didn't know what he was saying anymore, repetitively insisting on the fact that I told his friends that he played me. Ha. Hilarious as fuck! He even tried to hope make me think that he never played me, by telling me, we were in "good condition" but I decided to break up even after what he suggested to settle my concern.

Can I fully ruin his reputation now ? When I told him, I don't think we were compatible because I don't like hotel,,,,

He suggested 50% hotel. 50% whatever I decide. Hotel sounds right to him. Disgusting. Let's not talk about that. But as a bf, he decided to give zero efforts on going places, building memories. He expected me to suggest all the places like he's not part of the relationship.
The thing is, when I suggested, he never gave an effort to attend. He ffk me again, and again, and again. Even when I decided to walk away from my college mates' reunion, he decided to say, I'm sorry, movie off tonight, go on with your friends.

Did you think 50% hotel was okay ? Tell your friends where you bring me. Tell all of them, let them interpret themselves. Are you playing me? I never told them about hotel, unless you pop up again, I will expose your disgusting true colours. Thing is, I never decided to ruin your reputation. The most I did, was telling my friends, which are never related to you because they don't even know you. Then you popped up to screw up that little mercy I left for you. Dear asshole, please note that I know every ugly thing you did. Don't piss me off cuz I could've ruin your reputation like there's no tomorrow.

Then he insisted, I don't like hotel, it was fine but why can't I mention it to him, discuss with him.

Hilarious shits can come out from his brain cuz I doubt he has a brain. I did mentioned to you, asshole. I told you, I didn't want our memories to be just hotel. The other day I hinted you more. You said, I sound really fine with hotel. I replied, if I wasn't fine, wouldn't you call it off? If no hotel, are we really still going out? Assholes will be assholes. Please stop talking cuz you really embarrass yourself more as long as you talk! And... You once told me, cinnamon used to confess loads of I love yous to you. You responded to her, confessions are useless, it's the actions that matters.

I told you I hated hotel. I waited chances, actions, of us to date at normal places, places I have the guts to tell my fam about it, places that we can go without hiding, without being stressfull about just going there. Movies, anywhere. You called it off again and again with super good reasons. Reasons that I never had anything to say about it, Loong's health issue, father's day plans, work being ruined due to electricity down.. But one day, you showed your true colours.

I asked you to meet me at starbucks one day, so near to you house, centrepoint... when I had the busiest weekend when I actually told you early handed that we wouldn't have any chance meeting up. I made a chance for us to meet, from all the shits I was going through. You rejected, asked me to go hotel with you instead. Disgusting. The main reason I broke up with you. That rejection means everything. Tells so much about your ugly shit mind. Nothing you said made any sense anymore.

"Starbucks felt stressful to me"
"I couldn't bring you out of the stress there"
"My main point is to have you away from stress for a while"
"I wanted us to be comfortable"

Does that all sound bullshit to you? Oh please.

Ahchoo never came back to me with any information. He probably seen me as a little friend. He realized, ET never admitted that we were in a relationship, ET played me. He didn't want me to know. So I thought, hah. I will never know. But thanks to you popping up,
I know.

Thanks for showing me how disgusting a person can be. I was really in a super rational state, to be able to move on from my first love, then clearly seeing your intentions after careful analysis.

You really taught me a lot. You were the one that planted this rationality in my head. You helped me to move on easily. And to never trust. Just that, I never did expect, the one I should never trust, was you.

Discussing with you would never work. Since you rejected any of my suggestions about normal activities, like you said, it's the actions that matters. Yes you spent all the money coming up to find me. For sex? Think about it. Your actions tells everything indeed. How ugly. Don't say that we were in good conditions. Good conditions because I was waiting for the actions. Two months was enough to show that you never gave a shit about what I think. We weren't compatible, because once together, you became a monster who only wants to fuck. So fuck off then. Yeah, if you never admitted we were even together, why should I? Let's just pretend that we were never together, saves a nicer past for me. Having such disgusting person as my ex flips my stomach anyway. Know that you're the most disgusting idiot who disgraces the name of all 28 yr old males. Reflect on yourself, rot in hell.

Funny how alert I am on Loong's day.

I think I'm released from everything, everyone. Moved on from ET playing with me, my first love distrusting me, losing Loong squad. Life will be shitty, true friends will stay. If they trust shit people spreading bad rumours bout you, they aren't your real friends.
And it's okay...

To me, I think expressing yourself is a dangerous thing.
You were hurt.

Well, everyone was hurt. The cheaters who enjoys playing with your heart. The idiots who can't seem to trust. They all were hurt. It's nobody's fault, it's just how we adapt. We fall, we adapt, we change. I'm not that negative you see. Reality is ugly, we just gotta accept that, then you'll be happy.

My pimples are ugly. I can't accept that. Lol

I had a dream where crisp called me to invite me to badminton this sunday. He said, everyone would be here, ET, the guys from sg, everyone.

I asked him, are you sure ? Did you know anything about what happened between me and ET? He said he knows, but it's okay. What ??? He said, I'm not giving face because of my hesitation.

How can I not hesitate anyway. I was thinking, thinking, at the end I woke up.

Haha. Luckily I woke up. Such a tough decision.

Midnight kills people as always.
Scary how life can change someone from an unrealistic fantasy dream chaser, into.... I don't even know what I am.

Recently I found lews frequently texting me. We talked a lot of of random shits. I gave him hints about how much I'm enjoying life of my own, without commitment to someone fake. He's careful tho. I'm not risking it, not talking about much of the past, while he doesn't ask, even tho sounded super curious. Life is a bitch. The past didn't have to be mentioned for him to sense my exhaustion lmao.

I sometimes feel like I'm spreading negativity. Not actually negativity, just reality which sounds negative. Man, it was so very wrong to do that.

Remember that telling people about how you feel, is the Most dangerous thing in your life. They extract your weakness, and come at you. Best friend or friend, or anyone, they'd eat you alive, play with you. So never tell. My weakness is speaking too much after a point, when drinking. Guess I have to up my tolerance.

Ohhh yes I remember. Just a week after that day, you popped up with the sentence, "Ask yourself, who you've kissed." The weirdest fucking sentence ever.

Listen. If you can't trust me at all, why bother me in any ways? I still remember how fucking annoying it was when you accused me that I love moon so fucking much. Haha. Hilarious. So you're telling me who I love when I don't even love anyone. You never change, is it? The thing is, if you're so scared that I'm falling for other guys, why didn't you ever try to win mine over them? Asshole. So one day if your girl doesn't text you, are you gonna accuse her for loving her best friend? Her cousin? Fuck you!

Oh my. I can't believe I woke up from a nap and all I could think is how unreasonable our misunderstandings can get. He really did thought I cheated on him for ET. Holy fuck. An asshole couldn't see his own problems.

Here's the thing. This is what you fucktard boys do. If your girl couldn't satisfy you, you go out there and find another one to satisfy you. This is what you did. Knowing someone I never knew existed, then go for her, then having stupid overthinking just because you're the one having such thoughts. I can't believe it. Know that I never fucking lied. Unlike you, out there fucking other girls, then come back claiming "I was wrong I love you guve me a motherfucking chance I'll chang
Just fuck off

No, no, don't bother. Remember? Moving on is my new talent. I need ET's wise shits. He'd say, alcohol is temporary. Chillax. He'd say, if I'm so pissed over this issue, it means I'm not over him. He'd say, why are you so mad? You asked for it.

No I didn't ask for it. Maybe next time I can't talk to shandy anymore. She gives me the shittiest news. But it's not her fault. If I were smarter I would've figured it out anyway. Since fucktard could think I'm in love with my cousin. Since fucktard insisted on I love moon. I only asked shandy to show me his current life. He seems happily moving on with her. That doesn't make me feel anything. But knowing what he misunderstood, fires me up. The fuck. What does that even mean. Means dear ET, no you're wrong. I moved on. It's just I'm super irritated by his arrogance. How can someone insist stuff like that???????????? Chill. Calm down. Be glad I broke. Be fucking glad.

So I just got updated. I'm shook. Completely. Let me tell you a hilarious story.

He thought I cheated on him for ET. The end. HAHAHAH. Oh god, how dumb can you be. Have you ever seen little kids crying about how immature the adults are? Ew.

If he's making up a story to make shandy thinks that he isn't an ass, I'd understand that. Alright, friend. Just because I decided to cut contact, doesn't mean you can easily build a bad image of me to your friends and fam. People who know me, know that I'm not a cheater. Maybe for games yes. But for people? Hah.

We tend to do the things we're afraid of people doing. I can see why you were so scared of me communicating with any male, you were scared of me cheating on you, because that was what you would do. Now I seriously doubt your past. I used to judge your exes, now I think, maybe the "reasons" you broke up were just reasons you assumed. Your ex cheated on you? Bullfuck. You think I cheated on you for ET? Holy cow. I'm shook. How crazy can your imagination be?

Girls and guys this is what happens when you play mind games with your partner. The true story is, as a friend, ET helped me to become a person who's extremely realistic and rational. He helped me to move on from you, fucking toxic. And then, you, you can't accept my change. Hah. You think I changed because of you? I changed to almost a fucking corpse, and ET pulled me out of the grave. Why, I broke up with you and never showed any sign of depression. Does that upset you? So that's why you made me sound like a fucking slut. Hah. Well, were you expecting me to be all depressed and suicidal all over again? In your wonderful dreams. I'm so disgusted. I took less time to overcome it, because I've changed. And if you can't accept that, I'm so sorry for your narrow ass degenerating mind, but that has nothing to do with me, cheating. I don't cheat. I cheat for pokemon go. I peek yyin's titas paper. But I don't cheat on feelings. I don't play mindgames. If I have the fucking balls to inform you about the existence of every single close guy friend I have to you, narrow minded fucktard, why don't you realize how much effort I put on to make sure you fully understand my life, to wipe off your stupid concerns? Why don't you see that I'm telling you this stupid idiot who's so fucking insecured! I told you about ET and this is what you assumed?

I pity your new girl. Status or not. I'm going to maintain Dean list. I will go to the award ceremony next year, and I'll see you on your graduation. The most disgusting asshole.

I'm so sorry. Wait, I'm not. I thought, to people, it looked like Imma slut. What people would see is I was with another guy, my guy bestie, this fast after breaking up. I can't believe that includes you. I have zero doubt, that you will end up alone. This attitude. Ha. Even without your disgusting actions, no one can stand your temper. You can go on and on, change, change one by one, each of them will leave you. Then you run out of disgusting stories for them. I doubt you'd remember which stories belongs to which girl. Disgusting.

We think we know someone, we actually don't. We never will. What you told shandy amazed me most. I thought ET would make up ugly stories about me to explain our breakup. At the end, I guess I was wrong. He never even admitted we were together. And you? Even worse. Even worse.

Guys are disgusting, nevrr trust. Never. You know them for years? Pft. You don't. You never know what they did behind your back. I hope you post more photos. Post, then remove. Post, then remove. The cycle repeats, to the point you'd rot in hell.

He could've known better. Why? Do I look like I'd cheat on you? Does my actions proved nothing? Can't you see what I tried to do. I wanted the best for us. I leave you, for the best, because obviously your attitude shows how much you couldn't stand me anymore. Then I became the cheater? You fucking asshole. Holy.

Why would I make an effort to try communicating with you despite your fucked up temper? Why would I tell you about ET if I cheated on you? If we were going fine and well, I wouldn't even be so fucked up that I had to find ET for help. Do you know what I told him? I was scared of losing you, and you thought I cheated? Does my actions seem not sincere at all? Do I looked like I was playing with you? I thought I looked like I played ET. woah, life is such a fuck up.

I'm so confused.

Yes,, yes I did pulled back a little when we got back together. What do you expect? You were an ass for the first time, what did you expected?? I still gave it a try. I can't believe you're the only person I gave my whole heart to, and you thought I was playing with you. Do I look like a joke to you? Douche. Yeah. Just pretend that I was playing. Disgusting people. Eye opener.

When we're younger we often hear oooh this cousin broke up with the girlfriend and recently he's so emo he got skinny. Or maybe, seeing so many classmates, schoolmates getting together then separating for duno what reason.

As we grow, we see the stories behind.

We listen about our best friends getting a bf, the closest ones, the close friends that their entire family knows your name and allows us to spend time boundaryless. Then you know, they get weird boyfriends. Being a third wheel of married couples, being... Dumped to go after for, etc etc. We listen to stories about these guys dating people who already has a gf, even getting married soon. We hear things about married guy friend tangling up to girls from thai clubs, vietnam clubs. We don't even know if those are really a girl, or just.... A freaking pondan. We hear about girls initiating sex then regretting because the guy didn't have feelings. We hear about girls making your close guy friend crazily attached by using nudes. Girl that went with a guy who has a wife which had an affair with some other guy.

So much shits. Everything that has to do with fucking. Guys want to fuck. Girls, idk what girls want. Many want different things. Some wants money, some just wants a solid shoulder, a true friend. I don't know. So many stories, disgusts me, but usually hilarious cuz holy can you see how immature they act.

The thing is, I never feel surprised listening about these anymore. I laughed it off, and start my evil judgemental judgements. Thanks to someone who put me into a situation like that.

Physio and TCM peeps are back from their three week break. Now, I'm surrounded by his spies, I feel a little uneasy. I feel like I could walk a few steps and accidentally bump into him himself. Let's just pretend I've never been with ET, we should be mutual, anyway. But him? That can never be done. Mad love is irreversible. I realized.. he can do anything. He can go for other girls, I'm gonna be mad, but I always let go. The things he did, it's okay. I spoiled him. I can be super pissed for a solid week. I can be broken for a couple days. I'd say, it doesn't matter. Yes it doesn't matter. Moving on is my new talent. But then, I'll never stop wondering. Wondering how did his life went, wondering what exactly is the reason we split paths, while these are something that I'll never try to look for answers.

I'm gonna say, I learned a lot from this guy. I've become a little heartless. I've become a different person. I can't trust people. I doubt every fucking person. I assume that all guys have initial shitty thoughts. I don't put my heart onto anyone. Guess this is how I survived ET, how I rationally removed myself from the guy. I'm a meanie. I was guilty for one solid day. And its done.

But when it comes to him, I'll always unintentionally be dumber. I trust, I die. Haha. Funny. Or maybe loving someone is supposed to be like that ? Hopefully not. I'd stay single forever if that's what it takes. HAHA. Dieeee.