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Wednesday, 22 June 2016

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These days I've been talking to myself so much I feel that I'm not normal. Exams finished, got back the papers. I always doubted myself, always thought I couldn't. Well, tbh. I worked most on math, and it did improved. It improved a lot. Stats, there's only few chapters, it'll never change. So in order to score well, just understand all chapters. That's what I've been doing last last week. It helped, but VERY extremely regret for neglecting chemistry. I neglected chemistry and did questions wrongly, questions that I had done correctly before. Ugh, such idiot. Anyways stats improved so much, it could've been an awesome mark if I didn't misread one of the question. It was a fucking easy question, wasted!!

Chem, like I said. I didn't do well at all. I'm better at objective questions I guess. But ugh let's skip that part. Don't know others yet, but I got a feeling I'm screwing up bio too. I worked too much on numbers and I put sciences aside. What an idiot!!

Then this week, it's a stupid week. Everyone of us are having that extreme holiday mood. He, wood, he's on break too. :D Love the idea that he's stressless now, chilling, playing. Love that he'd tag me in stuff, reminding me that I still exist, somewhere in his heart. He treats me the worst, but that's just how it looks like. For my sake, he thinks I'm better without him. But inside, I guess I see something else more than that. Happy to be the only one seeing that. Well, don't tell me to give up. My six senses are kinda always right.

Woodpecker. He, the one I can never make myself hate, he always get insecured. He dislikes me with guys. He insists that I'm with people, to hear me say, no I'm not, I'm waiting for you. He uses whatever way to let me pour out truths. He cares, but acts like he doesn't. The irony. Sometimes, I successfully convinced myself that he doesn't. Then found out he still does, in our conversation.

That's the best feeling in the world.

Holidays won't be holidays for me. Gonna catch up before others, gonna work more, study more.

Exams showed me that my stats could be the same mark as captain hopeless. I think he's quite smart. So it means maybe I wasn't that bad, maybe I could do much better at math. Maybe, I just didn't work hard enough. They did past year papers, joker failed. Unexpectedly.

I want to beat them. I fucking swear. It's competition. You set a target that high you cannot reach, but one day, you'll reach it anyway if you don't give up. It's competition, but dear classmates, I see you peeps as friends, really. Just friends, and competitors. 

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