.

I want to tell you, but I typed and backspaced, I don't know how to word it right. I wanna voice out, but scared I might say something wrong and ruin it all.

I'm just jealous, okay? Like how do you feel every time I put nice photos up there. It's just. Some nice memories you'd like to save it there. I get it. But I really hate the idea of some people might be attracted to it, or starting to get interested to you.

I hate the idea of you're nicer to anyone else than me, so they get the higher chance. And maybe you'd forgotten that I'm over here waiting for you, still giving you the kind of treatment and priority. If another girl asked you out for conjuring, would you say no, then ask me? Or you would just be fine with it and forget about my existence?

You see, someone asked. I ignored with a brief bullshit answer like how I used to. I'm happy as fuck when you asked. Like really, literally jumped. Smiled until cheeks ached, happiness comes from you. But I'm scared of losing you more even when you're already not mine to lose. I just want chances for you to notice, the treatment I gave you and still do, it's unstoppable. I speak to you in my head, always, in my drafts too, I know you will never hear me. You'll never read them. Someday, this is gonna be drafted too.

I hate the idea that the world is full of girls prettier, smarter and better than me. I hate the idea that I know I didn't even stand a chance at first but dont know why, you noticed me since... the day I was noticing someone else. You noticed me since I was supporting your opponent, but I was dumb enough to make you break up with me.

I hate the idea that we broke up but I still want you back and that doesn't matter to anyone. Don't know how it might end up, but I'm going to love you for a long long time.

Until one day, when I'm totally completely sure that you're never coming back,

Maybe I would stop saving movies to watch with you. I would stop putting nice things on the list just to share with you. I don't know. Maybe that day would never come, but I will try.

I'll still make myself break down and start the waiting process all over again. It's just like a repeat of the feelings, without your physical presence.

Maybe I'll die young anyway, so that doesn't have yo repeat so many times. Maybe i'd get too into studies or job or whatever and I temporarily forget that you're still out there free and not thinking about us.

Well let me tell you a little thing.
Even tho I know where you are, I know how far you are from me, I still couldn't help looking for you. Even if it's just a guy that looks slightly like you, Id thought I actually saw you. I can't possibly let go. Maybe that's why I'm typing this whole shit even tho I have a little test tomorrow.

I'll do well there.