These two days were super odd days. Partly because Angel (my classmate) came back to pj with wood and I. Plus yesterday's argument with wood. Maybe it was just my insecurities. I was upset over Wood's way of coaching me. It even got me thinking about quitting badminton. How can I ever quit badminton? Quit badminton just to prevent arguments? That is so not me. Nothing lasts forever, I should make decisions for my own, my selfish own, not us. Because I know nothing lasts. My passion towards the non living lasts. Badminton's not gonna leave, wood would. It was really a painful thought. I cried so much thinking about these shits. And it was such a hard thing to stop and to go home. Even scary when I opened the door, Angel was sitting on the floor.
Angel stayed at my place for a day. She was pretty paiseh. But I think my family was weird enough to make her comfortable. I skipped nap for her, woke early for her. Crazy huh. But napping was postponable. Idc I slept back anyway. After violin class, we were ready to go for dinner. And Angel came home with her bf. It was a little schedule messed up. But everything was good. They joined us for dinner. Us as in my fam, and kaitoishan's fam. Her bf seems like a very independent guy. Way different from imaginary impression. I thought it was a little paiseh for them to suddenly meet my relatives, and even my grandma from mom's side. But they have their Ipoh talk that I wouldn't ever have with Grandma. Crazy! Angel was showing a lot of wow expressions. She said our fam is so arty. And that I have loads of talents. It's actually not true. I know that. Our fam was cray.
Dinner is well. Kaitoishan brought his gay friend Hen along. I met him for the second time. The guy was still doing AS. Tough thing, but he seems cool. The atmosphere was pretty good. I briefly introduced my mother side to them. Cray. It was a long meal. Then we went back home. Angel and her guy are both pretty talkative and socialable. It's good. I think. Super good. My mom had so much convo with her, with him too. He opened up to us, and actually told us about why our dinner was enjoyable to him. That laughter. That happiness and jokes. It's fun. And he never had that because his fam was mentally separated, with his slow bro. And because of the bankruptcy, he wasn't stable to further study. I got the wrong idea before.. I thought it was his decision not to continue. Sympathy. I suddenly feel really sorry for him, but happy that he's doing well. I hope life gives him loads of luck. He's a hungry guy. I never had the chance to think how lucky I am. I'm really lucky to have a fam that's this... Crazy. I'm lucky that our fam is fun and talkative. Gosh...
Life is good, I hope I manage it better.
After they left, my sis and I had a talk. She told me about her little student that laughed about anything, and another student that wants to learn aural. And about poon. She's a fierce violin teacher that's always fierce. I said, that's wrong in all ways. Then she said, but she has her good side. She speaks to the students' parents to tell them how to help them improve. She teaches them seriously because she wants them to improve. Actually, if that's the case, it's good. This world has so many teachers who only briefly teaches and not care about the students if they're learning.. That sounds just like wood. Trying to teach me, but I did interpret it wrongly. I overthink, I screwed. I'm sorry. You want me to improve. I know. I just want you to love me more than wanting me to improve.... But I'll do this. I'll try harder, I will not quit.
I'm gonna appreciate everyone.
Fuck negativity and embrace the cool stuff.
Kaitoishan asked me, yh, so do you regret choosing BBTEI? I said, I will not let myself regret. Honestly I'm still doubtful about my choice. I'm afraid of so many shits. But at the same time, I don't have time to regret. At least I think I can't regret. As long as I live, I'll make all the time worth living. There's no such thing as wasting time if you learn something. Even if BBTEI can't get me to a high salary ideal job, as long as I learn, that's worth the time anyway.
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