I know I used to not have good impressions on Cinnamon. She was a wild girl. She is, a wild girl. Wild girls are pretty great to be friends with, but hard to handle. Hard to be in relationship with. If you ask wood, he'd probably agree with that.
I used to be a slightly wild minded girl. He succeeded to keep my wildness in my mind. When we broke up, all hell broke loose. I could fly so high, I didn't want anyone. I didn't want an anchor holding me down. It was soooo addicting. It was like a drug. Like alcohol. It's unhealthy but fucking fun. If you look at Loong you would know. He'd been wild for so long... Sometimes I hope he finds a nice great girl that makes him quit drinking. I seriously hope he has a long great life.
Being back with wood, he was really mind soothing. Lol. I have no idea how to describe stuff. Every fight we've went tru ended well. It was usually tiny misunderstandings. He listens to me. Oh my god. He really does. He told me to be honest with him, so I did. One day I told him, wood, just so you know, whenever I'm quiet, I'm never quiet. My mind was always loud. If you yell at me, I wouldn't wanna talk to you, but in my head I talk to myself. I ask myself the questions that I can't answer. But at the end, I will get over it. These two years being alone, I learnt how to handle life. ET taught me. He didn't actually taught me, tho. He told me stories about his little past experiences. He told me, that I deserve more. He told me to look at people that has been through shits and why they can live with a big smile, a happy life.
Because they fucking move on. Yeah. He said I deserve to have a big smile on my face. He said that I'm still 19. It doesn't sound right for me to have that kind of negativity, because I can allow myself to make my life worth living by making myself have hope again.
Wood was always worried about me overthinking stuff. Sometimes I do get pissed when he was slightly rude. But after a couple of shit thoughts, I would be staring at road signs, cars, car plates, trees. I'm so good at distracting myself. The theory that ET developed in me worked. If it didn't, I could've failed A2. I could've died. I can never reach where I am rn. Crazy, right?
It was good change, I thought. Even tho I'm still always expecting that good things never last... It didn't keep me mourning at the same spot. I kept going. I had to.
So I believe he will be fine.
I'm very sorry for not being there. Sorry for not hearing the news directly from you. I'm sorry for being the friend that has stopped looking for you guys. I didn't want to... You have no idea how terrible I feel rn, for being told like this. I don't even have the balls to text you to ask how's stuff. I duno why am I worth telling. I'm not. I'm just a terrible friend. Maybe it's because of the age gap we'd never be that close.
There's nothing more I can say. The only thing I can do is quickly do the things wood told me to, to fix my arm problem. Then I'll get back to badminton. I'll get back with you guys.
I'm sorry that I don't know what happened. I wish you're alright.
Yeah. If the guy helped me live a life without nice expectations with a huge smile on my face, I believe he can get through this too. That's what makes me feel slightly relieved. Mature people will always be fine, they will find a way to get over.
Life aren't horrible.
Horrible is life.
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