.

He's the most dangerous person that could make me go crazy, doing anything and everything I've never imagined myself of doing.
But I love that guy.
Why? I don't know

I'm abusive.
Sorry, remote. Sorry for making you into pieces. I'm very relieved that your parts are okay.
I promised myself to never break things. I'll try again. I'll try fulfilling that aim again.
I never promised myself to never break me.
I didn't break my bones. I didn't break my limbs. The physical pain can always remind me how dangerous you are. I wish I have pills next to my bed. I wish i have the guts to put a knife in my throat.

You, asshole.
The only person to give me hope then destroy me, but still, have the ability to still give me hope.
No matter how many times you make me destroy myself, I say I give up. Then say, I'll try again.

Being sucked at driving
Screwing up results
Screwing up music
Screwing up relationships

I don't know how to make myself useful to the world anymore. I heard some sayings, what had you done in life, if you never lived helping others?

The only way I can help, is scoring for pre u. I helped my classmates. If I do well, maybe I can do my degree, maybe I can be useful.

They hate me. They think I'm selfish. They think I'm arrogant cuz I take pure science and I'm studying a lot more than last year. No, peeps. I don't know if I can do well, so I'm working harder. I'm not happy. I'm not a happy person anymore. So drowning in knowledge is a way to fuck everything else.

I know I suck. I know I'm better off dying.
I'm stil trying.

And there's one thing I have to confess.
Yesterday I didn't sleep right away after saying goodnight. I studied. Cuz I remember you said, don't sleep when you're tired, sleep when you're done.

I'm sorry. I was desperate.