.

I cant sleep. I'm not sure what time I'm driving, but I can't sleep. Luckily class cancelled on Monday.

For what happened on Tues, I told myself. It's the end. It's completely over. If anyone wondered why I changed my link, I wanted to avoid someone reading these.

I know. I told myself, if he replied, then there's hope. As long as he replies, there will be hope.

So I tried being a friend.

It's an honour to be your friend.

For what happened on that Friday night, I thought, we're more than just friends. I thought, there clearly is, hope. ..

I don't know what to do.

I usually tell people, I don't care. Fuck everything, I'm focusing on studies. Fuck everything and just don't cause further damages to those stuff.

But I don't know what to do. Schools' reopening. I'm scared of that. I'm scared of you finding someone better. I'm scared of you forgetting me. I'm scared of losing you even tho I already did, and I'm scared of losing that chance to fix us. I'm scared of you taken away forever.

3am. Fucked. Up. And I thought my heart has turned into metal.

That Friday what you said to me. Please be real.

I remember that one month after that day of October. It was hell. Absolute fucking hell. Being forced to study, forced to smile, forced to eat, breath and move on like nothing happened. Being forced to live.

And because of that, I believe you're the one I dreamed of having. If it has to be past tense, then that's it.

I don't want a repetition of whatever we did together. It's by will, it's what I want to do for just one person. Only for you.