Commit

I've been craving alcohol, listening to some kinds of songs I shouldn't be listening to. Hah. Maybe all these added up to make my recent life a little more sentimental.

Makes me think of my ex. The other way.
Not the way that I'd want to kill him, punch him. I just thought, maybe it all ended the moment he deleted my number. Let's forget the part where he saved it back. He did deleted my number, even tho he never admitted to it.

I deleted his, too. Until recently I wanted to take a peek at his WA status, or insta bio caption, and I couldn't get any info. In other words, I cut him out of my life, and succeeded. I can't even see anything even if I want to now. Is that what I want?
Idk. But that's what I needed.

Sukma girl said after that night, she drank alone. She said she realized drinking makes us more sad than we already are. She said, she drank alone, and finished a couple bottles. That's super hardcore. I've only drank alone, for a little. Maybe two bottles max. Or whiskey. Like today.

Maybe I don't even like whiskey. I like the company. When they're there, I do like whiskey. When they're not there, whiskey smells so foul. It tasted bad. Made me ate chocolates afterwards.

I'm pretty empty. Even after choosing my commitment... I realized I can't depend on them. A person? How does that count when it's such far away? It's like idols far away, you see them only on screens, photos. How does that count? I don't know. There are countless good times that last so short, and then it's all patience. It's a challenge. But I have faith in us. I think, he's worth it. I'd wait.

Commitments. What else? Badminton? It's a hopeless sport. I told myself so many times, I'm improving, repeatedly, to not let life seem too dull. Everyone saw it. I saw it. I know it. Some says I net much better. Some says I hit much harder(wtf?). Some says I have better reflex. I say, I improved overall. Have to work more on consistency. My shots are way prettier than usual. It's like I'm finally playing with my brain. Hitting their blindspots, hitting the right places, getting my racket up at the right timing just so I can readily kill without needing much strength. Yeah I think I'm improving at that part. I'm learning to hit to the right places using limited strength, mostly due to my arm issue. And that's improving me. Another thing, my footwork too. I'm running to the right places at the right time when I'm pairing close friends. It's all a little different when I partner with strangers. I mean. I don't trust them enough, or I wasn't sure whether their playing style fits mine, so it goes a little messy. But seriously, when I partner my friends, I ran to the right places, the perfect timing got me killing effortless at the right moments, which is fucking satisfying.

Sometimes they lose confident and take my shot. It took abit of communication, and it gets better immediately. Bro, mine mine. Sometimes, we played better when they trust me. It's so fun. Fff. I can never quit badminton. Idc what's gonna happen, but this August I'm going to fix it. Balance it out. Reduce playing, or maybe just reduce lobs and smashes. Just like how ck does it.