Why I hate frustrating nights.

I got over it. I started thinking about deadlines. One of them was to rsvp the attendance for the award ceremony. So, I clicked into the link, there was a list of people.

I guess I do have a bad habit.
I searched for my ex's name.

I'm not sure if I was scared that he might attend, or if I was looking forward for him to attend. I'm not sure whether I want him there. I'm not sure if I'm ready to see him in his new life moving on happily, I'm not sure if I'm just curious about his life or what shit.

Idk what I'm looking forward into. Next week? No please, not next week. I have so many deadlines. It's making me not sleeping.

I tried to call my man. Didn't end the way I want it to. I didn't get to call. I got "bad connection and gonna sleep" instead. It was disappointing. Maybe I'm just disappointed from the matches. Idk. It's overall disappointing. I saw woo girl and his boy holding hands through the night market. I saw my old masiswa partner shining his happily ever after photos. I'm here like an idiot waiting for a guy to have time for me, biweekly and it's already one whole fucking month.

I think I'm running out of patience. I think I'm getting really really hot tempered, I'm worried. I've been thinking too much, little things annoy me. I don't have the time, but I made time to over think instead of study my ass off. Fuck me.

I'm so pissed. Why did I searched his name? Why was I upset over loong case? Why am I impatience with my man? Why am I not studying. So many things I'm not supposed to do but I'm doing them. I just miss being with people that matters maybe ? But why do they never ever feel the same ? Or do they?

I've been playing a lot of badminton. Maybe I shouldn't have joined sports fiesta so that I could avoid all these frustration. I play badminton to enjoy, to stay distracted from life. Not to get more frustrated. Ish, I'm not thinking straight. I'm having the wrong attitude.

If you're good, people would beg to have you on their team. I just have to be that good, to have better choices. Same theory with career, badminton, anything. Even if I'm not good, having the right attitude wins more. At least that's what mom said.

Need to refresh my head.