Today I had a dream. It was a scene in inti, idk what event but all the clubs were having their own booths, selling stuff. I was just a passerby, looking at little keychains, cute stuff as usual. And I saw my ex. Much awkward. But in the dream I didn't walk away, he didn't see me. When he saw me, I woke up.

We were talking about him graduating. Thank god he's doing intern now so he'd be far away. Thank god he's in johor, so please fuck off, the further the better.
Can you believe I used to say how sad it is, he's leaving for intern. How sad it is he'd be going to johor, the lower end of the country. I wonder, when is his graduation? He told me before, I couldn't remember. It's prolly next year aug. And if that time I've gotten into Dean's or President's list, are we going to share the same hall? I don't know. It's gonna be that awkward like in the dream. Maybe if we do share a hall, once he sees me I'm running away. Or smtg like that.

Sometimes I wonder how he's been, is he really with someone. Good thing about cutting contact is we wanna know but we will never know. The urge can't do anything. If I was with him while I went clubbing without telling him, it would be complete disaster, much worse than the disaster I thought I'd have. I'm so lucky. recently I think, our secret can't stay hidden for long anymore. Somebody's talked to me about it, and the thing is I didn't deny. I didn't know how much he told him about it but I didn't even attempt to clarify myself. And now, this guy would prolly be the one revealing the secret.

Thanks or no thanks, I think it's not that important. We've done our part, I'll see your reaction. Haha.

I'm happy now. Even tho I know, I've been using things my ex gave me. Things like my fav fitgear jersey, my mouse, earphones, badminton racket. It's almost impossible that I get rid of them all. Things he gave are like essentials in my life. It's funny how he knew so well exactly about what I needed, physically. I think that doesn't matter much too. It's not like I think about him everytime I wear the jersey, or use the earphones.

Cuz whenever I think about my freedom I have right now, it gives me the biggest smile. 😁😁 I've done wrong on not telling about clubbing. You're right, I have no reason to hide because you never stopped me from doing anything, unlike my ex. You never stopped me, you only think of new solutions to compromise.