Wood

Wood has been speaking to me.

I thought I wouldn't get affected anymore, but I actually ran to my room to get my own space. It's deep convo. Like finally we're talking to each other the way I wanted when I still hoped, but it was too late.

It didn't matter anymore, but I'm glad I get to know. Suddenly pride seems to disappear, and we obviously care about each other's feelings.

Do you still love me?
It doesn't matter anymore.

Is it possible to like another guy when you still love the one from your past? Or you just let go because your subconscious mind tells you how much pain it's gonna cost if you don't, even if you still love?

Apologizes, regrets, if's, self blamings. I wonder why. Why did you let me cry alone for a year? Why didn't you tell me what you were thinking? Why didn't you fight for me, where were you all this time when I was patiently waiting? Why did you let me convince myself how much you hated me? You were dumb af. Why didn't you just tell me? I would've waited even more. You knew I'd do anything for you. But you made me left. You pushed me to the edge and made me treated you like my worst enemy despite how hard it was for me. I hurt myself when I hurt you, did you know? ...

Look how free I am rn. Back close with my cousin, piercing whenever I want, playing badminton with whoever I want, going out with my coursemates too just without being strained, going wild, learning to drink. I'm as worst as when I first got with you. We had so much fights when I was just a little wild. Good thing we leff each other, cuz you won't be able to stand me being this way. I'm just not the good girl you're looking for.

Most of my motivation to improve in badminton is from you, cuz you think I cannot.
You did, good then, keep it up.
.....

I missed you a lot.
Thanks, I do too..

Anyway. Just thank you for trying to stay friends, sincerely. I have no regrets for whatever I did. I did my best and it didn't work for a  reason. I wish you set yourself down for all the decisions you've made.