.

I'm used to not find him anymore and I hate it. I'm used to missing him but knowing that doesn't matter to anyone at all and really, I hate it. I don't wanna get used to all that. I don't wanna get used to him like that. I wanna send pictures to him. Telling him what's up with gc, or college, or my dj mates. I wanna tell all, and those losing fats progress and food cravings, but I know those don't matter to him anymore, so might as well shut up? I saved pictures. So maybe when one day I'm no longer considered "annoying", I could show him? Maybe I could show him when he has breaks and holidays? Or the next time he asks me out for a simple lunch? He'll love that ginger, I think? She's so adorable.

I just hate that I'm getting used to all these shits. Missing him and not telling him. Wishing he's with me but not telling. Wanting to talk to him but ended up scrolling fb. I hate that he's just someone in my head. It's like he's in this world that I can never ever reach. He's so close but so far away... this doesn't make any sense!

It sucks to be like this, you know?
Whatever.

And I guarantee, he never bothered to read these since a long time ago. I'm just an idiot missing someone that only exists in my head. And it'll remain like this, cuz no one cares! Haha.

Once awhile, I dream of him. A few times, this month. I don't really remember what happened. But one of them was heartbreaking too. He acted the way how he does in reality. What's the point of dreaming then!? It's my dream, it should be a happy one.. it should be the one that he willingly walks forward and hug me. And that must last forever.

I wish I die in those kind of dreams. Stay in that inception. Maybe.

Just die. Cuz there's no point.