.

I can't breathe. Not exactly can't breathe, actually. I wish the respiratory airway doesn't connect to the mouth. In that case I'd probably die, long ago. Physically.

We're at the infectious diseases chapter. If it's that contagious, come and get me. My immunity probably sucks. Maybe an infection could kill me enough. I'm wondering, do we get to choose to not live in a better way? Like donating anything available. I want to do that.

What am I to ask for another chance. Who am I to ask if he's into another. Nothing. No one.

Dad's gonna wake me up at 6. I need energy. I need to sleep. And I can't look like this.

I rather you to not reply.

Why do we wake up everyday? Why cant the heart automatically shut down when there's too many reasons not to pump? I'm done.

What do you do when you don't wanna live at all because you couldn't forgive yourself. What do you do when fixing is not an option.

What do you do when the lights are on and your sibling comes in chatting happily with you. And you have to walk pass her without her seeing your face. And you have to turn off the lights. And avoid exposing your cracked voice.

What do you do when she thinks you're asleep and you have to pretend that so but you couldn't, cuz you can't breathe.

What do you do. when you're not afraid of the dark anymore, because it's where you hide.
What do you do when you just want to die but you can't, your head just kept telling you, "I can't do this anymore."

What do you do when it's the Middle of the night and you look at the ceiling, you see pitch black, but you see his smile and his pretty eyes staring at you. Saying, he has someone else now.

What do you do if you can't anymore. You can't. At all.
You can't talk to anyone. Because no one can help you.
The only thing you do is beg for it to stop. But you know, it's no use.