.

You were wrong about us. So it's been zero all this time. He gave up. He gave up. He gave up, leaving you over there. He won't come back anymore. You wanted to do so many changes. You did it for someone who doesn't want you anymore. You did it for nothing.

YH WAKE UP. No matter what you do, the ending will be the same. Friday is not a day for you to feel like THIS. Fridays are for smiling not crying. People sleep better not insomnia and have nightmares. Stop doing this. Stop doing this to yourself. He won't care and will never.
.
There are two sides of me.
Positive side telling me, we have hope.
Negative side telling me, he's not coming back.
And when the harshness comes, negative wins. I die for a couple days, positive overcomes the war. Positive always wins. So why not delete the negative part.

And when harshness comes, I know why. He's just busy. Just stressed out. I don't have to remind him whether I care or not. I don't have to remind him that I'm still waiting. He knows that. So fuck off. Stop bothering him. Wait, means wait. Even if it's half a year. Even if it's three years. You can't cry for three years. You'll disturb the schedule. You're supposed to run of Friday evenings. Don't sit there and cry. Throw away that phone. Turn off that wifi. Don't talk to anyone and you don't have to be sad.

You know that you care and that's all. Don't have to let him know. He's different now. He may used to appreciate that. But now no. So stop. Stop. You need to continue that schedule. And at night you need that energy to stay up and study. With a fucking poker face.

Stop wasting time, it's pre u. You need to do well.
Note to self.
Fridays, turn off wifi, miss him but don't tell anyone. Don't do anything torturous. Don't miss him like fuck. Don't look at the photos and cry.

Fuck off.

Just pretend that there are no one in this planet.
There are no one anyway.
I lost him.
What else matters?

Nothing.
I wish I can talk to someone.
Someone that can actually help the situation.

That someone is him.
I'm supposed to die, last sept.
Guess how much shit I could prevent.

I wish I died last September. Sincerely wish.
Or maybe it's not too late now.
Life is hell. Living is hell.