To stay distracted

Just now my phone vibrated. I did not believe my eyes, but then it vibrated again, with red led blink. Woohoo.

:) he's busy. He's very very busy. :) miss him like heeellll. But then, I'm trained to adapt and move on. They say, let go. No. I let go the fact that he's busy, I move on doing my own things, but I'm allowing myself to still wait.

He's worth it, I swear. It's not an obsession. It's not self torturing. It's not torturing like how it seems. It's just like having a crush on a guy, then whatever you do makes you think of him and the memories. And you smile. Something like that.

They won't understand. Nobody will.
That discipline. I'm training that tru exercising. It's been a month. Just now when I did my streak record, I typed "Day31". One full month. I thought working out and dieting for a month won't possibly make any difference. Turned out I was wrong.

It did made some differences. Only myself and violin notices cuz I wear shorts, no one else notices. He said my legs are thinner. For me, I guess it's the narcissistic mirror reflecting habit. Hehe. I'd flex and relax, then feel determined to work more. Or sometimes, after doing planks, I like to walk in front of the mirror to look at the sweat on my back. However, my weight didn't make any difference. It's like going up and down everyday, but averagely remains.

Sometimes, working out isss fucking tired. But then... I'll cut down some sets. Or the planking duration. Or running duration. Running is the hardest!! I can't help bringing excuses about how the week of hell is around the corner. It must be, soon.

And the food part? I'm trying to eat healthier. Cutting carbs. But sometimes I can't resist bread that smells sooooo nice. (Like today's breakfast and that mini croissant)

Life can be less painful this way, actually. Focusing on workouts and studies, less on.... him... making that feeling fade by thinking about an equation, or highschool chemistry.

I'm doing well. I'm gonna survive this year. And practical(that's the thing I fear most).

Let's not allow feelings to fuck up a day anymore. Let's not allow feelings to occupy the mind anymore.
Let's survive.

We can do whatever our minds allow us to do.
I'll reach that running target at the end of the year. (Cries)