You can't put all the blame on me, wood! It's not fair! I'm sorry for being harsh back a little, but I wasn't unreasonable! I thought before I sent everything, and hope you could be reasonable back to me!
You were mad, I know why. You think I'm rich. You throw tantrums whenever finding out me buying things. Do you see me buying wants instead of needs? Don't I need mountain climbing shoes? I almost died thrice at a same mountain just because of having inappropriate shoes! Yeah? If you want me to die that badly, fine! I Could just wear slippers, then slip and die.
What else, are you mad for me not telling you? No? Then why? Why the fuck are you mad? You DUMPED ME. It's none of your business! But you care! WHY? Why the fuck do you care but still act like a fucking ass? If YOu care then stop teaching me to live like this. YOU're the one training me to live without you, then get mad when I survived? What fuck do you expect!? You want me to cry and beg for your return? Does that work? What else are you expecting? Give up, no. Move on, no. Love you, no. WHATEVER I DO, IT'S JUST MY FAULT.
My mind's clashing. I don't know what to do, and you're not helping at all. You're not helping.
I would make myself hate you, mad at you, but five mins later, I check for your fb, your snapchat posts, your photos, everything. I could never forget you, but I could make you think that I'm doing fucking well without you. Everyone's complete. We don't need another person to stay alive. I don't need you, wood. But then, I wish you were here all the time. I wish you could be with me whenever I'm happy, sad or whatever shit. That's all.
Yeah you used to be clingy, and still are, slightly. I used to be clingy too. These nine months has changed everything. I'm different, now, wood. I can do well without you, but I can do better with you. I can survive without you, but I miss you all the time. I can stand days, weeks without speaking to you. I can stand you leaving for a long time, but I always tell myself, you will be back. And we could be alright. And YOU shouldn't be mad about that, because you brought me to this place. You made me, me. Are you being mad knowing that I could do all these all alone ?
I'm tired. Everything I do seems wrong to you. I'm trying to change, for us, for you. But you made me look like a fool all the time, you made my effort dissipated. Is this what you want? To kill me like this for the rest of my life?
I don't have the heart? What do you know!? Sometimes, I tell myself how much I hate humans, and I should give up whatever I'm doing. But then, my head tells me, I want to make a change in this world, for good. I want to do things but I think I don't have the ability yet. And you, wood, you're the one bringing me down. You have no confidence in me at all. I'm just trying hard to improve myself, and you're always bringing the mood down. I thought you love helping others. And destroying me? More like you don't have the heart! I just thought, it's not fair. Just because you have the right attitude in studying and to repay your family, doesn't make you OK to mock whoever that doesn't have that yet. I haven't reach your standard yet, doesn't meant you're ok to laugh at me. I will improve, I will be better than whoever will never believe. I will find the right method, the right way to study, and I'll make you apologize for your stupid assumptions.
Your words can't bring me down. Anger is my motivation. Thanks to you, My stomach's slightly toned up. Thanks to you, my thighs are much stronger than before. Today's mountain climbing wasn't so bad, as I started training my thighs with 7kg weight. You think I can't lift you from a squat position?
We'll see. We'll see about that after some time. Well thank you for making me a better person. You suck.
You were mad, I know why. You think I'm rich. You throw tantrums whenever finding out me buying things. Do you see me buying wants instead of needs? Don't I need mountain climbing shoes? I almost died thrice at a same mountain just because of having inappropriate shoes! Yeah? If you want me to die that badly, fine! I Could just wear slippers, then slip and die.
What else, are you mad for me not telling you? No? Then why? Why the fuck are you mad? You DUMPED ME. It's none of your business! But you care! WHY? Why the fuck do you care but still act like a fucking ass? If YOu care then stop teaching me to live like this. YOU're the one training me to live without you, then get mad when I survived? What fuck do you expect!? You want me to cry and beg for your return? Does that work? What else are you expecting? Give up, no. Move on, no. Love you, no. WHATEVER I DO, IT'S JUST MY FAULT.
My mind's clashing. I don't know what to do, and you're not helping at all. You're not helping.
I would make myself hate you, mad at you, but five mins later, I check for your fb, your snapchat posts, your photos, everything. I could never forget you, but I could make you think that I'm doing fucking well without you. Everyone's complete. We don't need another person to stay alive. I don't need you, wood. But then, I wish you were here all the time. I wish you could be with me whenever I'm happy, sad or whatever shit. That's all.
Yeah you used to be clingy, and still are, slightly. I used to be clingy too. These nine months has changed everything. I'm different, now, wood. I can do well without you, but I can do better with you. I can survive without you, but I miss you all the time. I can stand days, weeks without speaking to you. I can stand you leaving for a long time, but I always tell myself, you will be back. And we could be alright. And YOU shouldn't be mad about that, because you brought me to this place. You made me, me. Are you being mad knowing that I could do all these all alone ?
I'm tired. Everything I do seems wrong to you. I'm trying to change, for us, for you. But you made me look like a fool all the time, you made my effort dissipated. Is this what you want? To kill me like this for the rest of my life?
I don't have the heart? What do you know!? Sometimes, I tell myself how much I hate humans, and I should give up whatever I'm doing. But then, my head tells me, I want to make a change in this world, for good. I want to do things but I think I don't have the ability yet. And you, wood, you're the one bringing me down. You have no confidence in me at all. I'm just trying hard to improve myself, and you're always bringing the mood down. I thought you love helping others. And destroying me? More like you don't have the heart! I just thought, it's not fair. Just because you have the right attitude in studying and to repay your family, doesn't make you OK to mock whoever that doesn't have that yet. I haven't reach your standard yet, doesn't meant you're ok to laugh at me. I will improve, I will be better than whoever will never believe. I will find the right method, the right way to study, and I'll make you apologize for your stupid assumptions.
Your words can't bring me down. Anger is my motivation. Thanks to you, My stomach's slightly toned up. Thanks to you, my thighs are much stronger than before. Today's mountain climbing wasn't so bad, as I started training my thighs with 7kg weight. You think I can't lift you from a squat position?
We'll see. We'll see about that after some time. Well thank you for making me a better person. You suck.
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