I realized I really like people who wouldn't ask. Since I think expressing is dangerous. Recently I shooed arrogant. I was pretty mean. Told him to either stop asking, or expect a brief ass irrelevant story. And when they don't ask, they ask other things that makes you feel like they aren't just interested in judging you. They just wanna know whether you're fine or not. Just that. That is enough.

Arrogant sensed it. He stopped asking, which I'm thankful. Haha.

I wonder what happens if I stop telling people about shits happening. Everyone would think, I'm the girl with a resting bitch sleepy face, always wearing comfy to class. A person without stories, isn't it scary? One day, no one would actually know me. Is that how my life is supposed to progress? I used to think, as we grow, we should be more open. I'm doing it the other way round. I'm completely opposing how ET advised me to. He scares me, then and now, still.

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
I used to really agree with that sentence. But today I came across this, my response was a little different.
When shits happen, I believe that they kill parts of us, we just don't die.
Are you okay?

Do I sound not okay with the way I responded? I believe I sound super okay all the time. At least, that's how I'm supposed to act, isn't it. I've been craving beer again. Back to my little bad habit. I wanna drink my ass off. I wanna drink until I die. I know I'm not gonna say anything. Maybe I'll break down and embarrass myself, but not throw up or talk. I'm not gonna talk anymore. I have a new goal. Phase one when being tipsy, don't talk. Never talk.

I noticed my super frequent sighs in front of whoever. Even strangers, cuz I definitely felt comfortable to be myself in front of strangers. I don't even know what are they for. Usually when I'm alone, I gotta think about something isn't it? I think recently I've been mentioning loong. That's because I had a dream with him in it today. I don't remember what dream but he was there. We talked. Probably.. I missed him.

I missed many people, tbh. I missed my ex. I missed the entire Loong squad, to the point he starts showing in my fb feed. Tbh everyone shows up in my head whenever I'm alone. Even pineapple, yip man, arrogant. Anyone. Zien. Haah. That's probably because I'm alone 99% of the time. I didn't even tell the Ipoh girls about where I went. These days, I realized... There were times we were super quiet. I was usually the one initiating conversations. But this recently, it's just tiring. Is that supposed to be normal? One day you just stop being friendly? Or what shit.