Voices

The voices are coming back this recently. All I have to do it close my eyes and listen.  It was really loud in my head. Joy and sadness must be arguing again. Maybe not that. Joy and fear are lost in long term memory. Sadness, disgust and anger are arguing in my head.

Hilarious.

Don't say, fuck off, voices. They are meant to help. I don't need joy. I need disgust. If everything disgusts me, I'm fine with that for the rest of my life. Super fine.

It was all your fault.

My guts telling me stop blaming others for what happened.

Sometimes I really wanna spam all out. Sometimes, I think, if my shits aren't settled, how am I supposed to live the following days. Can I just run away from home for three years? Can I just move to Aussie for DSAUI? Can I just change my course? I wanna get away from here. I hate everything that's happened. Idk if it's really settled. I hope it is, but what if it's not ?

Even if it's settled, it doesn't mean my life can get back to normal. What the fuck is normal? Am I supposed to convince myself that what happened was no big deal? How, exactly? It was a fucking big deal. I rather never get over this, and hide somewhere isolated forever. Never get near males. Never ever fucking think they might have any good in their heart, cuz no. It's not possible. They're born shits and they'll always be shits.

Why do they even exist? I need to invent smtg to kill all males. As a future biotechnologist, I have the power to do that. Who cares about ethics. If they don't even care about us, why should we care about them? Maybe I should invent some virus to kill humans. If there are no ladies, there are No offsprings. Fuck humans. We all are parasites. We should all die.