I've been through the worst shits in my life recently, for the past few weeks. I was having about three weeks plus sem break. But other that the one small cameron family trip, I never really went out. Due to the shits. I usually would make my life super content. My holidays, I was mainly in bed. I was treating everyone like shit. Close friends, even. Family. I didn't want to go out at all. I was supposed to date yip man so determinedly as I always did. But I just let it go when it was cancelled. Once. I said no to badminton, again and again. I rejected people I don't even know why. I lost interest, suddenly. I was determined to dig a hole and put myself in there forever.

What happened? That's gonna be my lifetime secret cuz it's not a nice story. I honestly really think my life is worse than drama.

But thank god everything is settled now. I think I'm back to normal. I'm so normal. Haha. And it's really surprising to get some help from some unexpected people. Some people that I thought would be gone forever in my life. They cared. Even for just awhile, that happened.

I'm having numerous realizations.

I've made mistakes that made me pay greatly. I hate myself for that. So much. So much I really hoped I die in each and every sleep or nap. I hoped I shut my eyes and just forget how to wake. Something that stopped happened from three years ago.

I rather stay idiot. I rather be super crazy unable to move on from my first love. I rather be dumb for that guy, what harm can he do to me anyway? He was an ass back then. All he could do was be mean, and at least, that would keep me away from any other people. Alcoholics.

But everything happens for a reason.
Lets hope shits don't happen anymore. Getting drunk is the most dangerous thing in life. You get drunk, you talk. You expose yourself to crazy threat. You think you found someone wise to talk to. That was all bullshit. Manipulators know how to do their thing. Don't fall for it. Never get drunk.

We must stay sane.