I'm so sick of life, sick of my eyes, sick of light, sick of being sick. Honestly I can't do anything. My eyes aren't working right. I had to squint to blog. I can't watch movies without being completely miserable. I can't do notes without wanting to wear sunglasses. I can't even scroll fb as much as I like just because I'm a complete fuck up. I can't see. I can't sleep. I can't feel normal. My head's about to burst. The weather is fucking hot. Nobody understands. Wait, I mean, people are shit, and I'm around people.

Three lab classes, and I'm going to take two of them away from Ipoh girls. I thought I was already alone because they're always in a pair, I fit nowhere. But now, with separate classes, can you believe it. I'm in a class, with six people. Four girls in my sem tabled up together. Of course I'm the odd one out, I've always been solo. So I end up being lab mates with two boys. Wow. Something I really hate. Okay, I've been lab partners with thick coat before. He's a fine lab mate I guess. But who knows. And another guy? I don't even know who tf he is. Probably a shit guy. Duh, which guy aren't shit? No such person. Maybe lee minho. Ok sorry.

I'm so tired. I wanna go back to normal. The normal life. How the hell??? My health condition aren't normal yet, definitely. My arm's normal, I don't care about that injure. But my head's not normal too. Fuck life. I've been super sensitive. This wasn't me. I'm watching cute movies wanting to cry. I've been in class wanting to die. I'm always at places but wanting to escape. The only times I can chill, is in the car when someone's fetching me, with a long long distance so I can rest. The only fucking time. What exactly is wrong with me? I can't even bear with driving. My eyes hurt. I think I can cause accidents. I might run into poles any time.

My coach thinks I lie about not drinking because I looked awful each week. I really wasn't drinking. I need to jump off a building that's all. Idk what's in my head. I need to get them all out. Look at my pointless spams. I can't remember any main point. because there is no main point! I wanna end it all, just that Idk what it is I wanna end. I just wanna kill every person but Idk who to start. Maybe I need a good cry to fix my eyes, then... Plot a purge. Idk.

What if I just leave. I'll go somewhere I can work on my career, fully. So I can never be distracted anymore.

Sometimes I think I need a good talk with someone. Then again, the voices said its a bad idea. I know the consequences of ignoring the voices. I can't afford those mistakes anymore. But , it's so hard, you know? Sometimes I think it's good that Ipoh girls are pretty much away all the time, so that I have a forced resistance on trying to talk shits out of me. This semester having so many other peeps in different classes, it's not hard to look sane. I mean. They don't even know me. Nobody knows everyone. So it doesn't matter. Everyone's scattered.

I'm not supposed to be like that.