I thought about ET. I thought about that night I wrote a letter to my ex. I thought about the very last time I went to him. I said, it's a closure. It was a week after we broke up. We didn't talk to each other for a week. I told ET, I'm gonna go see him for one last time, to have this closure, to make it end with a nice clean cut.

I wrote a note to him, on a small piece of paper. There were empty space at the back so I drew a tree, and some birds flying away. And the note. As a person with slight OCD, I would usually write a draft, then nicely on the paper. But then I thought, this is unnecessary. I'd write what came in mind, that would be the most truthful last words. I'm glad I wrote the note. Cuz I wanted to talk to him for one last time, but all I get was nothing.

He saw me dressed up slightly different from usual. So he asked me, going to have some fun eh? I said, somewhere cold. That's why, long sleeves. That's all we talked about for the last time I see his face. We passed the stuff, and I left, forever.

I remember scolding voon for saying that studies claimed reunited couples have 90^^% chance of breaking up again. I remember pan saying, 好草不怕回頭吃. I remember ET claiming that I approached him right because he chose to be with his ex once again.

I don't regret for accepting you back into my life. You taught me that second chances don't exist. You taught me that I should love myself more. You taught me that I deserve better, and you don't deserve my love. You taught me many many things. Things that may sound negative to young little people but they aren't really meant to be negative. People die, people come and go, change happens everywhere, everytime. Negative, or it's just life? And you tried to change my mindset? You have no rights to change my mindset. Nothing lasts forever, everything is temporary. Not sad, just reality. No exceptions, just determination.

I chose to fall in love with badminton. I chose to fall in love with alcohol. Nobody's fault, it's just my life, my decision. Badminton's helped me a lot. From a skinny unhealthy antisocial idiot into a fitter, healthier, slightly sociable person who's less dumb. I never expected you to come back to me, I never expected me to break us up again. I tried my best to love, but my best just wasn't the best for you. You want multiple idiots giving you their best, and I guess I'm just not one of them.

ET said, actions speak. Thanks for showing how heartless you've become. Best decision I've made this year. Now, I'm happy. I have people I love telling me to go explore, go get to know new peeps, go socialize, go have fun. At the same time, work hard, study hard, do my best in classes, train hard. As long as I do all these, life can't possibly go wrong. Even if we lose everything, we still have one thing. Ourselves. One thing pineapple taught me. You gotta love yourself the most. Unless you have a a dog, you can love your dog more.

I said, that weekend, ET's back but my aunt from Jap is back too. She said, bring my aunt around, don't care about ET. Hahaha. She would always choose family over friends. My inspiration, spirit party animal.