So last night I gave it all out. It was a really bad outcome, I know. I shouldn't have went to a club without telling. I know. I should make sure I'm much mucu much close with the bunch of peeps first. I know. I'm sorry. I'm a terrible person. But I'm free now, I'm not as guilty as before. Feels so much better. Ffff. I'm human, I make mistakes. I might've done it badly this time. I hope you look past it and realize, I never lied to you anyway. I just didn't give the complete story.

So don't be mad anymore, I'd be a better person afterwards. Really. Sorry for the restless night, it's my fault you're losing abit of trust in me. When I tell, I was ready to bear the consequences anyway.

I'm a little idiot. Fff. T.T 

Gold texted me a little. It's been awhile... He made me feel much better by telling me, he understands that I just didn't want him to worry. I was worried about him worrying. I think gold has this very very mind reading characteristic. Or did ET told him so much? Possibly. But he could give me a term, and I'd relate to everything. Like when I gave him one word, he understood it all without any explanation. No details require, it's just... We know. I missed this.

When I was alone in my room, I kept rewinding how it all was like. We finished badminton, ET, Loong, Pan and I were just eating at murni. And they talked for two hours, inner outer convo, partly I wasn't in their group, I wouldn't understand. But partly, I listened and understood. Their interaction was friendship goals. Their jokes, it's so deep it's like they're not meant for everyone random to understand. It was really sweet. Really admirable.

Gold said he heard that I was attached. I was isolated. I wanted to move out of this isolation. I kept my holidays overly packed. I was too over. I'm sorry I was abit over. Life sucked.

I cried telling my ex about how the isolation felt. How much he weighted in my life. I was isolated for nothing. Did you feel good making yourself "Everything" to someone, then leaving? Did you feel really good ruining someone's life because of how selfish you were? If you can't stay with one person, you stay isolated, can't you? Stay away.

I was frustrated.