If you ask me, do I still think about my ex..
It's a lie if I say no. But what do I think about actually? Maybe not the memories. Maybe just him, his face. Maybe just disappointments. Maybe some mean shits he said.

Do I miss him? That's a definite no. The illusion of him. Disgusting.

Sometimes I get some achievements and think about how he made me doubt on my knowledge. Last night we were playing with a deck of cards. I saw a text from the group saying our results are out. I tapped straight into eramis, and found my results.

It seriously made me happy. I got an A for math. How long ago did that stopped happening to me? Prolly years. I haven't got an A in math, for years. I got an A for management. The worst subject with the worst lecturer because I still felt like I never learned a thing from there. I got an A for chemistry. That was not entirely unexpected, but it still surprised me. I got like 50% for test one, 96% for test two. It was a bet. Finals were the deciding factor whether I could get an A or not. I did my best. I got my A. I didn't fucked genetics that badly. At least I got a B+. I really wonder how she marked.

I was so happy I took a few glasses, fast. The girls congradulated me. Haha. I texted ET. Then I actually thought of my ex.

I wonder. Were you ever proud of me when I was your girl? Is this really what you want?

Don't make promises you can't keep.

I realized right after our broke up, I never ever really made promises. I think it's a fake thing. I think it fucks people up.
I'm so happy this recently. I've gotten what I need. I have a full time advisor, which supports me even if I didn't take the advice, which is there for me, mentally, all the time. I'm gonna say, it sounds really scary isn't it ? I'm saying that's what I need instead of what I want. Maybe we can learn to trust again.