Holidays

So. As an SPM leaver, I'm so fucking free. But I'm so fucking busy. Since the day Chinese finished, there's never a day free. (Oh wait there was, just monday.) If I put up a photo on fb each time I go out, people would think *this person is having fun everyday*. Having fun is tiring. But my mind is almost fully occupied all the time. Target achieved. Gosh. Too much things to cope. Maybe self torturing is really my violent nature.

I kinda got it.
I look too happy, right? Maybe that's why he's treating me more and more like shit. Cuz I look like I've replaced him, and found a way to live without him, more happily.

I'm looking for a job. I'm going to many places. This is the first time, being so broke when single. Hoho. I'm fucking broke. But I think they'd want me.

When we were together, I remember you worrying me having temptations. I guess the only thing that could make me change my mind, are books. Books are temptations. Lmao. So fucking broke, because I bought a book I've been waiting for months. (I accidentally bought a trilogy that weren't fully published yet at that time) I feel bad. So I'm selling books, I'm finding myself a job, fully utilizing the time I have, no rest, no chill, no time for overthinking, no time for ruining my day for a guy.

There are a few shops that my close relative/friends are the head department/founder. It's super cool. It's like I'm at the advantage side, but Idk why, I walked in like a normal person, not using social relations to get the job. I guess that's more fair. And better to show that potential. People asked, why did I not go for my dad's company? Because the staff know me. They'd do the things themselves, and I'm gonna lose that chance to learn.

"Did you tell them the boss promoted you that job?"
"No, why?"
"Because you would have higher chance of getting selected."
"Ah. Hell."

Oh besides that. I had an opportunity. To sing to earn. It's so fucking awesome! Imagine this shit. One fucking hour, 70bucks. (Tho there are practices.) It's Christmas Carolling. The only job we could actually have some fun while earning.