.

My brain is telling my heart:
Please, stop loving him, can you?
Heart says yes. Heart always tries, always fails.

Remember how cold he was?
He was mad. He was mad that I wasn't at home. He thinks I'm having fun he didn't sound happy about it.

I don't know what he wants. What if I AM moving on. What if I am fine already. What if I really just want him as a friend now. Why is his attitude so damn fucking shitty? Why is he unhappy whenever I'm outside even tho we broke up. Why am I still controlled. He turned my smiles into sad faces instantly. The way he said Bye. hurts so much.

Doesn't matter if I'm with him or not, he's still that mean.
Why am I still holding on to someone like that, kept believing he's not that kind of person? He is. And he will never be nice.

Ten years later, I don't wanna call him friend.
By that time he definitely stopped training.
I wanna walk pass him and don't even notice.
I want him to regret letting me go.
I want him to miss me af and want me back.
I want him realize only I can love him like that.
Deeply, crazily, blindly, that I'm willing to do anything.
I want him to say, I'm sorry, you are the one.

But I don't want to be with him anymore.
He's a piece of shit, that could never love me the way I need.
His love made me suffered so much.
I know that well,
to never kill myself the same.

You must block the holes
fill in the gaps
before it finds them
and floods in.
For you dont want
yourself drowning again.
Or, do you?

Remember that, yh.
Remember he's only here to teach me,
Single is gold.
Lesson complete, and he's gone forever.