.

When you think it's over, when you think you're finally okay, nah. Being fine for five minutes doesn't make you fine. I guess breaking up is like that.

One day you wake up and say, I'm single, I'm carefree, I'm happy. Then you end up crying before the day ends.

The cycle repeats, few times each month, maybe few times each week. Sometimes, you wanna punch the wall and shout and scold. Sometimes you wanna suicide. But then you held yourself back and say, nah. Don't hurt yourself anymore, cuz you accepted it.

Then the next day you could still laugh with your classmates' stupid puns, act like nothing happened, make pools of sweat and go on studying hard, having a super high aim, begin doubting yourself whether you can or not...

The cycle repeats itself. You make yourself hate the guy, you force yourself to stop thinking bout him, and sleep, screw up some tests, maybe score some so well!

And then you cry again.

And again.

And think about starting stuff that might risk your life, hoping you'd accidentally die.

Well, that's my life.

I drive myself crazy. I believe I will not let anyone in anymore.

Ahhh I should do something.