See first, hoodie

Im worried.

Hoodie asked me out for a horror movie. I remember him saying he doesn't watch horror cuz he's scared. Then he said, he'll be okay if I'm with him.

He's the most innocent/kindest/purest guy among everyone I've known. Usually, I'm mean. But how do you expect me to be mean if you're that kind? I wanna be mean. Because being mean is being real. I hate people. I hate all of you.

See first, is my answer. And by that I mean No thank you. 

If you're gentleman, Yes go on, help all you want.
But tell you what. You can find as many pickup lines you want, and I'll make it awkward. I'll be quiet. That's for your own good, I'm not gonna be mean to you, but I will not talk to you.

Do you know that my head is full of my ex? Every single time my friends asked me out for movie, I hesitate for a long long time, because I thought he might want it. I shall just wait, maybe he's free this weekend. I'm waiting for a guy that won't possibly think of me any time. I'm waiting for him even tho I know he won't do that. But you know what!? I want to wait for him. Forever is okay too.  I don't want myself into anyone anymore. I rather love him to death and until death than tasting that pain until I found the one. I don't even wanna find the one anymore!

Just let me wait for him. See first, means no, go away. Means I don't want close relationship. If you want to ask me out, ask the others too. Ask them all and maybe I'll think about it.

Again, my head is full of him. I'm always waiting for weekends. I'm always waiting for him to turn over and say, let's hug.

No priority is just bullshit.

He's always priority. I don't wanna love anyone else, wood. It just sucks. Everything sucks. Fuck you for making me like this. Really, fuck you. But I love you.

I wish time passes quickly, so it's bearable.