.

Bruises and wounds, they're getting stronger. Each time I punch the wall, I break some shit inside, swell up the knuckle. Each time, it heals faster and faster. (Although I promised myself no more wall punching!) I want my fist stronger. Google says, do dumbbell punches, knuckle push ups. That conditioned bruising made left fist seems so much weaker. It doesn't seem right whatever position I put. Maybe I should punch the wall using left hand now lol.

I read a confession. Someone used to say, if you're depressed, run. Run and flush out that sad hormones, think about them sad stuff and forget them. When I run, I'm bored, so I do flash back a lot. Memories, him, etc etc. But then I run, and thought, I'll just run after him. I thought, I wanna live, so I have to keep running, I can't stop just because he left. It helps. On the treadmill, I look around. Look at the window, mmm the reflection of myself, ok I think my posture is right. Look at the trees, ok the wind's blewing this direction, oh wait it changed. Listen to the lyrics, this song is damn fucking sad, another chorus to go.

Hey. Cry all you want, then stop. Open your textbooks, eat donuts, talk to me, take a nap. The good news is, it'll pass. Punch the wall if you need to haha it helps. I even felt like going for kickboxing to release thar unhappiness. Try something new, workout. Aim something high and look at the results, be proud of yourself. Why would they leave someone like you? You did your best, so it's their problem they left. It's not your fault. People come and go, plus she's got brain problems. (Sorry) At the end, maybe the friendship remains? Just like him and I. He's still fucking adorable, and I'm not giving up.

Friends, what are they. After last year that day, I think I might have successfully convinced myself that no one in this world could be there for one another. Even if they could, they can't help. Maybe that's why I don't think anyone in college really knows me, and I don't know them too. It's weird. We sit together and just talk crap. No personal issues, just random little things. I feel like I'm in a battlefield. We're actually enemies but being put together in a container trying to stay in peace.

Relationships, friendships are supposed to enhance life isn't it? If it's the other way round, we're doing it wrong. I'm not making that barrier between my college mates. It just naturally went that way. Do not make homes out of humans. Humans are fucking volatile, they leave easily, they leave even when you love them with all your heart. I don't get them. Like why they do that?

So let it be. People are confusing. If she's meant to be in your life, she will be. Don't beg and let her destroy that pride, just distract yourself. Adapt and move on. (Fuck, don't tell me these) I know these will be fucking useless cuz I told myself those things a million times but I still have infinity restless nights because of him. But cheer up. Eat pizzas. It'll get better.

Eat! Look at the video I shared few days ago, suits you. Ok don't emo ._.