Exams

Today's test was okay. I was always terrible at combinations and permutations, ugh statistics. But others were okay, some work could really make difference.

Then bio practical was fucking okay too! Because of past failing experience(short of time), I paid lots of attention in rushing. Rushed all the way! And at the end, there was actually enough time. I think it's the mind that's important. At the beginning, we should just concentrate on the question but not what to prepare. As in, pay attention to what are we trying to find out, not how are we trying to find out before even figuring out the aim. Ahaha. My bad.

Then the investigating slides part are slightly improving. At least I know what I'm seeing, and I know what the question wants, unlike previously. *that's the fucking xylem? Holyshit.*

Sunday's another recital. My sister's telling me to play violin. Wtf. My standard, in front of a crowd, are you fucking kidding meee??? I don't even know the song. Ugh. Ugh.

I'll practice. From now on, I'll increase. I know I've been focusing on losing fats and studies. I've totally neglected music. My bad. I feel bad. Maybe from now on I aim to practice at least once or twice a week, maybe weekends. I'll practice. That's discipline, I'll train that. I promised working out daily, and it happened. I've promised improving studies, it happened too. I promise to practice music.

Sometimes, I'm not sad anymore, cuz I didn't let myself. Even tho, everytime I blog, I pretend that I'm telling you. But I know you never cared. It's okay, let me drown in my own imaginations, thinking that you care. Just let me die like this. Don't wake me up, don't bother me. Don't tell me that you have a new she to love, don't tell me how in love you are. Let me continue this stupid abuse. I miss you, but shook it off with words from a book in front of me. I miss you, but think of what I'm gonna do later. I miss you, but I make myself focus, focus on the sets that are remaining. I'm not sad anymore because I didn't have the time to. I'm way too busy why would I have the time being sad. It's not possible anymore I know. I'm not hoping. I'm not sad. I'm nothing. You're never coming back I know. You're gone, never seeing this, never giving shit. So why would you care if I died on the road.

Uh huh. I'm planning to die like that. But I honestly hope I die next year. At least let me finish college. I like the stressful life. Making myself tired as fuck. I like not thinking of you and forget that I'm actually sad. I like being free but making myself busy. I like the class competition making me feel stupid that I work harder and harder.

One day, I would not have time to blog anymore. Ahahha.

One day, if I die on the road, I hope I've achieved that body goal. I hope I succeeded doing at least five chin ups in a row. I hope I can finally do 100% accurate push ups. And maybe few minutes plank. I hope my chemistry could get an A.

I think that's all.