.

He saw. I shared a lasagna video and he tagged his friends in it. He never tagged me in anything anymore. Guess that's it, huh? So that's it. He's seeing things, but not remembering my existence anymore. He's not including me in his life anymore. He didn't even talk to me randomly. He's letting go for sure. He's not just letting go, he's giving up. Fucking obviously it's fucking over now. Get me? He's officially my 0% bf, my 1000% ex. Right. Get away from the crowd, get away from people.

I think I'm back to that phase I've been tru a year ago, just worse.

My studies aren't in an ok state, instruments, I feel like quitting ALL of them. Really. Daily exercise, should I quit??? Should I??? The diet plan lasted this long, hasn't even reached 50 days. I'm slightly toned but close to almost nothing. I'm failing, in every single part of life. I'm just breathing pointless in this world. I'm fucking pointless. Not doing well in ANYTHING, getting dumped by him, and still wanting him back but he's treating me like I'm just a piece of shit that's better not existed. I'm better not being borned. Why am I even in this world? 

Maybe I should stop All workout until my studies clearly shows improvement. Maybe I should quit all instruments too since Im just wasting money and not improving them too. Fuck my life. Maybe I should just quit life and stop wasting resources in this fucking world!

TELL ME, a reason to live.

From now on I'll do whatever I could to fix studies. Whatever I could. And I'll temporarily forget his existence. He must NOT affect me anymore, all this has to stop.

Yeah stop being sad about losing him ending up sitting there grieving all day screwing up studies. Stop letting emotions fuck up studies. Fuck everything.

Three years! You fucking said three years, it's two and a half to go, I can wait, can you? I want us be friends, you said yes but we. are definitely not friends. You said we'd really be over if shits happened again but suddenly we're just over. You said you'd give us a chance but five minutes later it never happened! What is wrong!?

Yeah, blame me! Everything, absolutely everything is my fault! My fault for existing, my fault for STARTING BADMINTON. I shouldn't have started. I shouldn't involve myself in YOUR PRECIOUS LIFE. I shouldn't at all, know the presence of you!!! My fault for saying I'm yours. My fault for expecting you to be my first and my last. My fault for letting you in all the time.

And now you just leave like that! You just leave!

I'm gonna hate you. I will make myself hate you no matter what happens, ONE DAY, you will be SURPRISED, looking at how well I lived. You will open up your eyes to see a new me, which you'll never ever know. I'll fucking hate you and you have no reason to LOOK DOWN on me.