That is a good mouse. It's a gaming mouse, did you know that?
Nope. It's.... a gift.

I wonder how do exes feel about their wasted efforts. So I've been an ex to two. My first, my second. I'm content about the first. I put my heart into everything, honestly, him at first place. I believe he did loved me. Unlike how ET imagined. ET always thought lowly about him. I never argued, because what's the point to defend a person from the past? There was no point. But he always knew what I needed, physically. He knew what I needed but was too cheapskate to fulfill them by myself. So he did it for me. The mouse, the earphones, badminton equipments. Let's not relate them to money. I never allowed him to pay for me, and he was fine with it. He was a good bf to me. But I don't miss him of course now ew. Wouldn't it be nice to remember the good parts? But with ET, I'm sorry to say.... Idk what I have to remember. There are no such memories. Nothing presentable. If one day we accidentally got married, gosh, we must be troubling due to NO photos at all. What relationship. That's not what I want, I guess. Haha. I mean, I know.

I wonder what's he gonna say to his brothers. Some breakup reasons are too private, to the point where it's ruining your image if it's been told. But it's not exactly something to be ashamed of. I think, if someone asks why did we broke up? I'd say, it's a combination of age gap and LDR.

I've been texting a lot of new people, I know it seems wrong. But it wasn't actually... meant to.

Valentine started to tell me about his personal life stuff, I find it sad. I find it interesting, but at the same time he's a nice friend to talk to. Includes all the jokes and serious deep talks, probably because we only text at midnight? I got a ride from him back home today. It's nice.

Zien the biotech senior. Uhm. Did I mention this guy before? He's a tall guy. Very tall. My sister's age, and oh my the way he talks.... I feel like a fool, needing loads of explanation just cuz he can read my confused expression. It happened that we met during an award ceremony last semester. He didn't know anyone from my class, just me. So I was like a medium for him to announce little things. That led further somewhere. Interesting conversation friend. He's super weird, actually.

It's no big deal.
When did I ever learn, that most of the stuff that happened is no big deal. I talked to arrogant. He's mad. But oh well, we were so good at friendzoning each other, he'd text me for advices when it comes to girls, or what he did. Lmao. And it's fun.

Idk what initially I was supposed to write abt but whatever. I've been thinking... it might seems like I'm playing with ET. Or if the inner story is out, it might seems like he's playing with me. Of course the stories won't be out. I'll be the bad girl, using him as a rebound, forgetting about my first love.

I'm going to drink tonight, doesn't matter even if I couldnt finish my report. For ET, there's no closure. My last words towards him was... Are we in good terms? He never seen my message. I'm pretty sure he deleted my contact, made his entire group diss me for good. Maybe Loong thinks the same.

Are you sad?
I'm fine.

Couldn't say that it was a reckless move, accepting him into my life. Couldn't say I wasn't thinking straight. I will never regret my choices. Our relationship is funny. From the moment I accepted him, we only had weekends together. One day from each possible weekend. He could make all the efforts, spend loads of money to come all the way to me. That's the most he can do for me, what to do? He's a working man, and since we have such a distance... For me? There's nothing I can do. I'm a student. I've lied enough throughout all these time spending with the alcoholics. I never realized how unhealthy this part was. If I lied hanging out with them as friends, why didn't I expect the lying to continue as a couple? It was the same. So it's my fault, should've expected that. Spending with older people means doing stuff older people likes. And for me, it's stressful. I go out to release stress, but the way I go is stressful. So what's the point, actually? He made efforts, yes. How about me? There's no way I could've made efforts. To me, a partner is about mentally supporting each other. He doesn't seem to need my support on that. Idk what he's up to. Idk what to ask. The only thing I can do is treat him like a king whenever he's back. And that's really wrong for me. This relationship could never work.

Uncle is good.
I never expected you to say that.
You're 23, not even that uncle. They call you an uncle just cuz they never spent time with actual uncles. What to do? This is life isn't it. Even pineapple wasn't making any fuss. I thought she'd be like told you you should've think clearly before you make the move. But she didn't. She understands. It's like we didn't need many words. A few sentences, and she's like cool, good to know that you're fine and that's all that matters. Best friends know when you're hurt. And this time, haha.

Are you sad?
I'm not sad. I'm going to drink tonight. If I cry, I'm sad. I don't even know myself anymore. But I think I'm having mixed feelings. Indescribable. Just like that. That's not sad. Valentine's sad.

If you ask me, what are you gonna do if ET comes back?
I'd say he's not gonna come back.
What about my first love?
Honestly, from my recent mindset, I'm afraid I might actually fall for his trap again. But then again, I've blocked every possibility of him coming back.

Not gonna happen!