Recently I've gotten better at falling down, tripping over nothing. I think I hit my tibia a couple times within a month already. I'm not gonna be surprised if I break my right leg. It's bled, got swollen, almost healed and the shit process repeated. I'm sorry, leg. Have I been tiredly, heartlessly living? Idk.

One of my training mates sc me, you guys broke up? In all of sudden. This sentence.
I know he's talking about my first ex. That's the only one he knew. Something tells me, I've started to forget the bad parts of what he did. The remaining memories changed, the good ones are left. Those that I can smile reminiscing. Valentine had a hard time, so I shared the story. Yes, good times happened, bad times happened, we lived we suffered, we got through them all, we forgive and forget. At the end, a clean cut is a must. They say, first love is always mad love, blinded and whole hearted. A clean cut is to ensure, no matter how curious I get, I'll not allow myself to try to peek into his life, I'll not have any chance to look back. Bittersweet memories are meant to be history, then be it.

But this one texted me something. Tells me that he had someone new updated in his profile, that, which shocked my little training mate. Don't ask me why do I think so much. Don't ask me how do I relate. Like arrogant says, it's my nature.

Valentine said, he can't bear with the thought she'd become a stranger. Can't accept losing a lover and a friend at the same time. Sounded like me eh? Bad bad. Bad idea.

Mad love, then what? It's either suicide, or... Unable to love anymore?

I've been showing my sister pictures of that day when I went clubbing. Makes me think of the initial plan of going to clubbing the first time on my 21th birthday, with the bunch of alcoholics. I know. The moment I decided to end anything with ET, it's all over. Sunday badminton with that bunch is done, is over. Any bit of lasting friendship with Loong is over. I know. It's maybe over since a long time ago. I don't know. I don't know, actually. But it's life, isn't it.

My first ex, my second ex. They both, taught me that the world is fucking cruel. And to live is to never have faith. Love is like a misunderstanding. Like it's nothing. Idk. I remember I had that extremely painful feeling in my chest for months my first love broke up with me. I never have it for a long long time. You know the shit is real when physically it's not even supposed to hurt.

If it happened days ago, I know I'd sit there and be sentimental about losing ET and Loong squad. Unlike, smiling it off, only thinking about it a little when I went out to drink.

I went out to drink with Valentine last night. I got home at 4am. It was just little bally at Subang. Sentimental place. Memories. It was on purpose. We never had a closure. Up to now, ET never replied. He once said, if my ex layed hands on me, he and the squad will never ever let him get away with it. Haha.

Things that end..