So. Many things happened this weekend. More like since last week I finally started to be anxious abt titas group assignment. There were so many issues that got me fucked up.

A group of 10, 6 presenters, 4 editors. Me as an editor plus group leader. We're supposed to find an appropriate movie then present a summary and extraction of a few stupid elements related to titas. The plan was fucking perfect, but it was my bad. I did a good job pressuring each presenters so they handed in their videos in a deadline I demanded. Then, I was the one procrastinating thanks to how unprepared I was for our BCH test. So kitty finished her editing before me and chinny. It's the worst ever decision to have let her done first. She used the best method to insert a video into another video, but then used the most fucking long and troublesome method to add subs. Wtf. Thanks to her clumsiness of breaking her phone, we couldn't reach her to ask her more detailed abt how to do subs(had to make all the videos universal). Seven hours of investigation and frustration, she came back alive. Fucking hell. I'm pissed. Honestly. No it's not her fault she did it first. She discovered kinemaster app, which is like the only app needed for all the editing. But then she then switched apps, convert this and that, which is totally unnecessary.

However her method ended up with manually turned on subs. It looked fucking professional. But then after adding subs, it's a totally different file. We can't use kinemaster anymore because the app doesn't support the subbed file. I passed the job to the boy, and he fucked up all the subs, which I already expected. Fucking hell. And then spent four hours to RE ADD THE SUBS, sacrificing sleep then not able to study at all.

I almost got sick. But I didn't. Thanks to the controlled alcohol consumption, my immunity is still good, and I didn't even eat veggies. Woohoo. I'm good. But I'm not that good. I did fucked BCH test2. I did badly for test1, sworn to be hardworking for test 2 but still fucked it. Ha. Thanks to titas.. fucking shit. And some of the questions were just fucked just because I didn't notice some words. Which I'm pretty sure I'd notice them if I have just a little bit more of sleep.

I can't believe I didn't bring my sports shorts to inti. So I'm stuck here a week without badminton. He is right, he is right. Badminton is more important that anyone. Yes, people come and go, but badminton is different. It's the only thing that stays. I can foresee a break, actually. Idk. I don't have confident. I don't think I'm what he's looking for. I think he misses cinnamon so much that he's trying to make me her. I'm not her. Fuck why am I saying things like that.

I went for a dinner after my oddly satisfying short nap, then went to the hall. Holy shit it was so deserted. If I brought my pants I'd go. Ish.

How'd they see me ? You don't ask me. Your friends never seen me as a friend, only you did. Your friends seen me as a girl who plays badminton crazily, and they're not wrong. Your friends seen me as the girl who can't drink, but starts to drink at some point and talks bullshit after that. Your friends, are gone. Loong is gone. Others... I'm only close with Moon, but you despise him. You know our friendship is fucked once we move beyond this stage. How'd they see me if we stop? I'd say, we really do have age gap. I can't see the things you expect me to do. I can't see how I can do things with such distance. And cinnamon? Cinnamon is always in the conversation. How the fuck am I supposed to feel. Communication? Communication won't even work. It's stressful as usual. It's stressful but I know I need it. And this stress, is dangerous.

I noticed two things. I used to think I can cope with stress from people. But then that's why I've died so much in my first relationship. It's why he broke up with me for the first time. That's also why I rejected moon isn't it? Yes it is. He was attached and I was pressured from that. I wasn't even ready. Yes I rejected him because of that. My second break up wasn't because of stress. It's just completely pointless already since peaceful conversation can't be achieved. That was nothing, that's a must.
From this, it's obvious enough, I want peace and no stress.

The current life I have is not that pressuring. It's not pressured to the point that I die so much like in the past. Cuz I'm not attached. I don't depend on him. I don't depend on anyone. Like I say, badminton is still first priority. Me should be priority. I know it sounds selfish. But maybe I'll do that. Something life taught me. So if you have a problem with that... It's yours to worry. Isn't it ? Yeah. Why stress.

Today songrass asked me to be his partner for Inti close. I'm taken, I said. He seems disappointed. Sorry la. But.. I like chubby gab. Lol. Not that kind of like, like that no stress way of communication, with his friends too. He's real.

Sometimes I'm so done with people. Did I talk abt what Emily did? She's fucking piece of evil shit. I made a long rant on insta and felt zero guilt about it. She made us did research then presentation abt the research, entire about chapter six, before even learning this chapter. I actually thought it was a good way, but then, maybe she shouldn't have chosen this chapter. Or she should, try to listen to our research. Fucking shit. We don't even need to research to know that passive transport consists three types: simple diffusion, facilitated diffusion and osmosis. She said I confused the class by stating it that way, in the slides. She said, facilitated is not under passive. We have this one case and she asked us, whether this case belonged to passive, facilitated or active. She confused me af. And she said "look who's confusing who". I'm done. I made my triple check on what I searched. I checked on my sem1 notes to make sure This was what exactly Dr Ong taught us, and she actually accused me of not listening during mcb? I got an A for MCB, despite having shitty test 1 and test 2 results. You wanna talk about that? Lets see. How about your thinking conflicted sem1 notes?

Ok I'm done with the rants kbye.