.

Is it normal for you to love something but push it away because you know you'd crave more? Like hey are you giving me lots of love? No please leave. Hugs? I love hugs. No. It will end. At the end, you'll be left with that emptiness. Then you miss him so much.

I used to love hugs. Hugs with wood. it's like one thing, the two merged. I loved hugs to the point that after we broke up, I stare in my empty arms, but still feel his touch. That firm warm hug, filled with so much care. I thought I'd die without him. No, I survied. I made myself got used to my stuffed toys. I'm not empty anymore. I'm filled with that emptiness I no longer crave hugs.

But when there comes free hugs, it triggers lots of shits. It reminds me of the times when I need it but I didn't get it. Sometimes it can be everything.