Today's a long day. Super long. 9th of sept. Morning, we hiked as usual just because training changed date. Seems like training being too few people does a little good to me. We could hike. But everything doesn't feel right because I couldn't wear contacts. Fucked up. I'm pretty sad. Idk why my life is so fucked up. My sister does it all well despite her irresponsibility, that heartless attitude. Why? She blends well everywhere. Aunties uncles in their early sixties planned a farewell for her. They put in this amount of effort for her. I think she has nothing to fear in Scotland. She won't live her life like me because she will have tonnes of friends with weirdly huge age range. I live like my life is fucking exciting and all. And it's all because I join her a little. Why? I have no idea.
We went for badminton. Just six of us. I was almost regretting this choice. I wanted to simply go tru this day, have a nice sleep. But it didn't went this way. I was thinking, after sis goes to Scotland, I probably wouldn't go play with this squad anymore because of how far it is. Setapak, it takes like half an hour plus to reach. So much trouble, while being so tired. Why? Idk. Badminton was fine. I still hate me without contacts. I probably aren't living as positive as usual because of my eyes. Idk, part of the factor maybe. I can't play well, my arm can't do well. Everything was bad, bad. But actually. I guess I can play well. Some net shots were surprisingly good. Perks of having a bad bad arm, that I almost completely stopped smashing, and switched to the soft playing style. It requires some training, and has cons. I stopped smashing, so my smashes are weak. And I lob like a fucking newbie, all those halfcourt shots. Gosh, I'm a shame. I met moon at lavana. It's the most unexpected thing to be happening at setapak. But I find it good to see him. I still do think of him as my closest friends despite sometimes I wanna kill him from such little things. Sometimes my temper can really be short af to a point I couldn't stand myself. But I think I'm improving. I can be really mad, but... I move on, faster. I didn't kill my sis from stealing both car keys, when I met her. I just sarcastically poked her with words, for a couple times.
Moon had a friendly match at opposite court, my eyes functioned so badly I couldn't even scan him tru the mess. Just opposite, and I searched tru the entire hall. Mad. At the last hour, there were two guys wanting to play men doubles. But sob wasn't in a nice condition. I substituted so we played.. quarter mix. I can sense some stereotypical mindset in the older guy. He thinks girls can't play. He doesn't have to say it, I know. But who cares. To think of it, I should've partnered the younger guy, and give him the most unexpected shots. Girls can play, even with an arm which isn't able to be lifted normally. Okay? He was a little impressed. Fuck off all stereotypes. I'll fix my arm and beat everyone's who's gonna look down on girls. Fuck boys. Fuck men. Fuck guys. Ok sorry. Uhm.
It was a little disappointing at first. Crisp asked me to badminton, yesterday. I couldn't. So he said, today then. But at the end, he didn't say anything about today. I don't have the face to approach him. ET definitely said something to the squad, I just didn't know what, and will probably never know. Anyway. The younger guy was interested in being friends. He got himself into our chat group. How friendly. Puchong guy. Wow. To setapak, takes a Lot of heart.
However, maybe I can still join this squad for badminton. Salty fish's guy could actually bring us both. Why not? My recent life has been shitty because of people leaving one by one. Then why should I reject new opportunities? As long as I badminton, I will have a life. As usual. So today after badminton, we hogged a mamak for abt three fucking hours. This is way more than my last longest record which was with loong, pan and ET.
Ok my topics won't go too far away from these people I mentioned. I realized, I mentioned the people I miss the most. I mentioned a lot of my two exes. Yes I miss them. That doesn't mean I didn't move on, isn't it? I miss him, because I cherish our old times together. The other one, I miss the things we could do together when we were friends. It's basically the same. Not exactly. Idk. Haih. My life is shitty. Not as shitty as when I was trying to settle the shits, but still. The aftermath wasn't easy.
There were actually just seven of us. Stand, Rome, enguin, sob, salty, me and sis. They're literally fucking crazy peeps. Stand plays pogo, I found a friend! Rome and enguin are a couple. Fucking cute, and rome, omg. His humour is fucking gold, this night I laughed more than the rest of 2018 thanks to him and salty fish's convo. Two straightforward people being fucking straightforward to each other can be hilarious af. Can you ask someone whether they're pregnant in their face? And wow the things I learn. They're comparable to when I listen to ET squad's chit chats. They're actually more transparent, super less inside stories, cuz I get all of what they say. Except a couple of new terms, and stuff.
Thai club, vietnam club, those places they actually have like catwalks, then people pay huge amount to those they like. Wow. Whut ? ET told me about his friends who go to such places to satisfy their physical thirst but he didn't tell me how exactly, or used the terms like rome and salty. Gosh they bad. ET still held a lot in, because he thought I was too young to know. If I spend time with 34 year old peeps, I should learn 34 year old lives. Today I spent time with a frequent clubber, a saxophone pro, a fucking mad malay chinese. They're fucking on, planning tonnes of activities for tomorrow and tuesday, which they actually included me. Again with my stupid envious mind. Why does my sis has this kind of friends, while I have those who want to stay in hostel to watch fucking K drama? Am I not social enough? No matter how much I hate people, I talk to them. I strike up conversations, I try to make them talk instead of me talking about myself. My sis doesn't even do that. Why is my life so fucking shitty? Seriously. Idk what I've done wrong.
Stand is 19 years older than me. It's like two me's, minus a year. Wow. I can live another 19 years only We'd be the same age. Holy mother. Enguin is 5 years older than me. Rome is prob 6. But the amount of things they know, sounds crazy a lot. That's how my sister doesn't look surprised when I tell her some impure stuff.
Today salty was really transparent. No I mean she was always that transparent. Straightforward to a point my mouth is always wow shape. I feel bad for her. She's like pineapple. Pure, went to UK and became a total crazy wild person, a person who's crazy. Ok Idk how to describe, but she's exactly like pineapple. The level of impurities. But I realized people who became impure has different causes. Pineapple had strict parents. Salty had a super hard life. An irresponsible father who she totally hoped that he's better off dead. And the mom, who had cancer and loads of emo shit phases caused by it. Two sisters, and the were fucking conned by some fucker. So that she had to work and support the sisters for studies. She has her goals, aims, and that kind of bf. Haih. I need to think abt her life more so that I feel much better about mine. She has a hard life. All that hardship, but still being so strong. I can't imagine.
Yeah I need to think about her more. Shits happened, and it happens to everyone in different forms. Some people are still struggling, and I'm all over and done with them. I don't have to trust. I don't have to be envious. I just have to live, do my part and stay positive. Life isn't easy. Keep going. Remember lalita's face saying keep going, thrice.
ET got me into some shits. But he's just part of my life. Loong squad is just part of my life. Idk whether I've lost them, but that isn't important anymore. I can have new people, if I want to. I just have to keep going. I know myself that I'm not that antisocial. Why do I have to be envious? Unlike what ET thinks of. I talk a lot. I have to stay that way. Yeah.. not worth getting even fucked up because of ET. He's not worthy.
It'll all be better. Salty will find her way. We all will.
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