People are shit

Somedays I don't remember what exactly is trust. Trusting a friend. Trusting new people. Trusting anyone I had known for years. Trusting coursemates on part of exam marks.

I know, nobody's perfect. I'm not perfect. I can't get 10/10 for each task, I don't expect everyone can. But I rather do all the job all by myself, and get the marks completely of what I deserve, even if it's super low. Idk. Some nights I try to picture myself, requesting to the lecturers whether I can go solo on all the reports. It's so.... Isolated. But that's actually what I really want.

It's my fault. Going solo too much, to the point I'm basically super solo most of the time, while others have a stable team. I don't. How do I survive in the future??? I have no fucking clue. The attitude. Some of them passed by the library and saw me. They'd be damn happy because we were coincidentally teammates. You'd be happy if you see your teammate being hardworking isn't it. No hard feelings, I know how the world works.

I know, I can't really get the kind of friends I get when we were in primary school anymore. It's quite impossible. I got less active in badminton. Cuz badminton got me into all this shit. I know. I can't blame badminton, I can't stop badminton. Reality wants us to have connections. Badminton is my way to connect with people. But don't you get scared? The people I met from badminton, got me into all this. All this!

I guess I need some time. Not everybody who's played badminton had shits to do with me. So it's not fair to just assume they're all fucktards. I know.

I really have huge issues with people. All people. The only reason I drink less, is because I'm pretty sure I'll get emotional and shits. Or maybe I'll start to scold all the guys around. I will do that for sure. And I can't afford to lose that much anymore. I don't have much to lose, you know.

I regret being with you. I regret trusting you. I regret allowing that. And that. I regret anything to do with you.