Holiday

I planned a whole list of syllabus I have to reach in few days intervals for bio & chem, but I actually did nothing in three weeks of holiday. It's just too much holiday mood, I've had it even before exam ended. All I did was badminton, badminton, badminton, gain fats, sleep, drama. It's a very awesome life, but I went so broke, and so... wrong. It's just wrong to spend and spend like that, to have no curfews all the time, even when I'm having fun. 

So yesterday, I did the clean up. The 100% reorganizing my own stuff and shit. My room gets tidier and tidier each day, exclude the occasionally messed up laundry. I had a drawer of all uncatogerized stuff, now all well put and has the place it belongs to. Pure OCD. Yep. Boxes of memorable keychains and unmemorable ones, boxes of highschool memories, boxes of memories that should be thrown away but still kept. I put most of his stuff there. Most of them, cuz I realized I still miss him and didn't wanna put away all of them. There's just one tiny photo left in the wallet. 

Holidays are ending. I don't wanna regret. I felt like I'm going to, cuz there's still stuff expected to be done but not done yet: karaoke. Well, I can't believe I actually did it. Drama queen told me to expect nothing, so I didn't, but I still hoped. Dumb me. Moon made it happen. Very thankfully. It's the first time I get to control the remote, so I guess I just have to make sure he knows all the songs I've chosen. Fortunately, he knows sooooo many of Jay Chou's songs. And whatever I listen to. It's actually so awesome, but there's so little time! 

Karaoke makes people sentimental. Maybe just me? Idk. The lyrics make me think, make me sad, but just for a little while. It's still wood, I still think about wood a little too much. Maybe that's why it's still us at my laptop user dp? Maybe that's why it's still us in my whatsapp background. I feel like it's a need to remember. Remember it all, but put it aside just to remind myself. Let go, but don't really let go so I will never ever repeat the same mistake. Listening to them could possibly make me so depressed. Singing it crazily out loud helps release. All that frustration, it's finally over. I think it's cool to karaoke with just one person. I've always wanted to karaoke alone for once (that will definitely happen. Just me). I like to really have the chance to hear my own voice. How I sound, how it's like. Today I had the chance, I guess I wasn't so so bad? As long as it's in my range. Hm. Moon was crazy funny. Honestly wish we have more time so we could try more of his favorites too. Ughh actually felt bad. And he's sick! I could've easily called off the plan if I knew. 

It's an awesome day. Awesome holiday too. People promise what they think they can do for ten minutes. It's nice to listen, but not so nice if you're expecting something. What I learnt from life: expect the fucking worst. One thing I didn't expect from wood was a big bad break up before spm. Spending time with him, I knew it wasn't gonna last anyway. He had so so many lovely promises, some even sworn. Rivergrass had one too. I think he forgotten, maybe he didn't? Or the promise suddenly became too meaningless to be kept? Moon kept, a few so far. The main point is we karaoke'ed' together! Pure awesome. Thankyou for making my day being with me with your stuffy nose. 

Finding sentimental stuff in everything has became a habit. Legend of the blue sea is a freaking comedic drama. With one of my favorite actor, still, there's always a little sad fact in all lovely quotes. They aren't even real. Part of me wish it has a sad ending, cuz there's no such thing as happily ever after. Make it realistic, make us all broken because happiness is like a drug. It's so dangerous, and it makes you want to die when the source leaves. While part of me still hope for a happy ending, cuz it satisfies my little fantasy deep down inside. 

This is one of the holidays with the most ups and downs. It's a positive thing. I mean. Last year end too, but it was the most depressing year end. Holiday well spent, but not good enough cuz I was too lazy(wish I was hardworking). It's a satisfying one because I gained one potential best friend. Life, if you wanna take him away, I will be completely, speechless. Just please, don't do that to me anymore. Believing is such a risky, life-threatening thing, and I'm doing it.  How brave am I, lol. 

Tomorrow, I can start studying.